You have read my rants before about narcissistic guys and what all they can talk us into. There are a few things in this article that speak directly to that. Here's one:
Even when they were dating, says Susan's sister, Denise Gordon, Josh kept Susan on a tight leash, forbidding her from walking down the aisle with the groom's 12-year-old nephew at Gordon's wedding. "He had a problem with Susan holding his arm," she says.Let's think about that for a minute. Now, I mean no disrespect to Susan, here (God knows, I have dated and been engaged to guys just as crazy as that, and at an age where I was old enough to know better), but this is just the kind of behaviour that we, as women, need to be alert about. The sad truth is that such actions probably got worse after they were married, and he probably promised her that he wouldn't be so jealous, because she would be legally "his," and he would not be so afraid she was going to run off with another man. Never mind that he was, in this instance, jealous of a 12-year-old boy! Whenever I hear of something like this, I want to tell the girl to run...change her phone number, unfriend him on Facebook, have friends and relatives form a buffer between them; just dump him forever and don't look back!
Here's another flag:
"...he married Susan after a five-month courtship in Puyallup..."Five months is not long enough to get to know any man well enough to to marry him. Especially as she is a religious person and (probably) adverse to living with him before the wedding. A woman needs to know her prospective husband for at least a year, preferably more, before making such a commitment. She needs to see him in all sorts of surroundings--all the situations listed in her wedding vows, and then some. "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..." She needs to see how he reacts when something annoys him; if he has to wait in line, or locks his keys in the car, or drops his cell phone down a storm drain, or the waiter brings his steak well-done when he ordered it rare. If he lashes out, blames somebody else, has some sort of hissy fit, or sulks under these conditions, that behaviour won't get better after the wedding, either.
How about this:
Josh would secretly change the PIN on their joint bank account and held onto her car keys. Friends say Susan, a licensed cosmetologist who at one point worked at a local salon, was allowed to buy just one bottle of hair product at a time and had to get Josh's approval to buy groceries.I know she was trying to save her marriage, but women need to know that this is dangerous. It's all about control with these men, and they lust for it. It's like a drug and they need more and more of it. I'd be willing to bet that, no matter what reason Josh gave Susan for it, the move to Utah was to get her away from her family and friends, to whom she could have run when she couldn't stand it any more.
Does marriage counselling help? Not without both partners being totally committed to making it work. In this case, not so much:
They were in marriage counseling--"Susan went more than Josh," Hellewell says.Josh probably did his level best to convince Susan that she was the one with the problem, not he.
I love the way the Powells (the Puyallup Powells, anyway) have ranked themselves behind poor Josh:
Josh's father, Steven Powell, and his brother Michael deny allegations that Josh had changed or was controlling and abusive toward his wife. "There's no basis to any of the stuff they're saying. It's just a bunch of baloney," said Michael.So, did Susan (in the minds of the Powells) lie to all of her friends and family? Or are the friends and family lying on their own initiative...and to what purpose? Is it a whole big conspiracy to blacken Josh's reputation? I'm sorry, but if you are going to accuse a number of people of lying, you need to be able to scrounge up some sort of credible reason for them to do so. The arrogant Powells do not see a need for that. They make pronouncements from their gated community, and we are all supposed to believe them, just...well...because.
Once again, here are some of the red flags to watch out for:
~He tries to get you to do things you don't really want to do.
~He drives a wedge between you and your friends and family.
~He wants to know where you are at all times.
~He tries to control the way you look or dress.
~He is constantly calling, emailing, texting.
~He gets angry when you don't do as he says.
~The more you try to please him, the more he demands.
Please, girls...pay attention. You are being abused. You may wind up missing or dead.