WHAT IF HE CHANGED HIS MIND?
I still can't get over the fact that a .357 pressed against his temple didn't blow his head off.
Maybe I just need some lessons in ballistics, or something, but it doesn't make any sense. I've fired that pistol, and it's a hell of a powerful gun. Why was the bullet still inside his skull?
What if, in the nanosecond between squeezing the trigger and the end, he changed his mind and pulled back a bit? Could that have caused the kind of death he had? The bullet, instead of blowing out the other side of his head, spun him around so that he was facing the opposite direction.
I have come to understand, in a general sense, the thoughts that led to his decision to kill himself, but now I'm worried about this. What if he changed his mind?
He was a very handsome man. I know you love him and miss him.
ReplyDeleteSo much, Spring...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry your loss includes having to wonder about things like this. Perhaps he did, at the very last second, hesitate and think of the wonderful reasons he had to stay here instead of the reasons he wanted to go. If so, maybe it means he died remembering the good times instead of just the bad. Not sure if that makes a difference at all, but it sounds better. I dunno.
ReplyDeleteI dont know much about guns, but I think you are talking about bullets with the first question.
ReplyDeleteAs for the second, I have a hard time believing that in that second, ANYBODY wouldnt have changed their minds. You know he loved you, and you loved him, in the end, thats all that matters. Your love didnt die, he did.
BTW - I thought you were getting rid of that thing.
ReplyDeleteGives me the shivers.
I am going to. I haven't done it yet.
ReplyDeleteThis is just another "What if" that doesn't change the awful result, Ronni. For your sake, I'm hoping this is another one of the phases that those left behind have to suffer.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could look this up on the internet, if you really want to know....otherwise stick it away in the "Things I cannot change" box.
I hope that isn't too harsh, Ronni. I hate to think of you living with these torturous thoughts when you are alone. Maybe they even cross your mind in a crowd.
They cross my mind anywhere and everywhere.
ReplyDeleteRonni:
ReplyDeleteI would think that several things could account for this -- including the trajectory, condition of the gun & the age of the bullet.
If it's something that is troubling you big-time, why not ask a ballistics expert?
Having no such expertise, it seems to me that any positional change possible in such a nanosecond would not change the velocity which, to my understanding, would cause it to exit. Perhaps the initial impact which caused him to turn somehow altered the dynamics? I wonder if by having the gun wedged to the tree caused the tree itself absorb much of the impact. Did you say that the tree had some damage?
I am pretty sure there must be a logical explanation and urge you to seek it rather than torture yourself with such thoughts. Lord knows, you have enough on your mind.
Maybe the police or M.E. have some useful info.
Wishing you peace.....
kathy
That picture of Jim is awesome -- not too many men can do that style shirt justice.
I made the shirt. It was an ancient tradition, supposed to keep him with me forever...
ReplyDeleteThere must have been some damage to the tree. The police noticed it and cut out a chunk around the spot and took it for evidence.