This past weekend, Brendan's stepmother took him to Iowa to visit Cornell University. He came back really enthusiastic, and he may actually choose to go to school there. I was joking with him about buying winter clothing up there, and reselling it to an incoming freshman when he graduates. He said, "...Unless I decided to live up there..."
A sobering thought.
Have I mentioned lately how lucky I am that my daughters have chosen to stay close? They seem to see Mom as a useful and ongoing resource. For that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't take Brendan's desire to explore the wide world as a personal abandonment--I know he loves me. He just has a different attitude. To him, his family is a jumping-off point in his life. Adulthood is waiting right around the corner and he is ready and waiting to get on with it.
He has done a very good job of being himself through high school, and not going out of his way to be a part of any crowd or clique. He has never played (or tried to play) the name-brand game. He has never really cared what the other kids thought of him.
So, it's not that he wants to get away from me, specifically, or the situation in which he finds himself, it's just that he sees moving away as a natural progression in his life.
While I have to be OK with that, and not make any attempt to keep him close, letting him go with Jim gone is going to be very difficult.
I am going to deserve that ACoT nomination before all is said and done. I wonder if they have a category for "Real Life Drama!"
I'm new to your site, and I'm SO sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Donna.
ReplyDeleteI'm usually the Happy Blogger, but it will take a while...
Good for Brandon. Dad's family is feeling guilty and wanting to take up the slack.
ReplyDeleteLet them.
Since Shell turned 18, not a nickel or hint of it from dad. Mom has the college pay load.
You'll love this and give you idea of how they feel once 18. She told her dad, she would like to come see him after Spring semester. He approved and was going to be available.
What the hell? I said to her after she related this to me, "It's OK that you still live me".
Grab the goods for your child while they are offering.
You have done a magnificent job with Brendan and feel assured that he will be s success wheresoever he goes and good for him for having the spirit of adventure. It is typical for him at his age to go seek his success. Count yourself blessed by his relative normalcy during you current debacle. Having your daughters and the babe close at hand are gifts. I have no family close by. I do have my dear john, godbless his sole and also my cat and as demented as she is we love her, and my evertrue Alpha. Trust moi Ronni, you are doing everything right. The new decor is uplifting and I pray for resolution as to all of your current problems. Keep the faith and know how many of us care and think of you hourly.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the universe is giving you free rein to go out and embrace new energy and suck it in to your life. You are on the right track deario. Deep breathing is necessary for all of us. Shoot, sometimes I forget to breathe.
I heartily approve of Brendan's stepmom. Her father offered to help me organize financial aid for my daughters, when I was a single mom. She and her dad know all the ins and outs of getting aid, and Brendan will be able to go where he chooses, and not be in debt. He has very good grades, and good SAT scores, etc. If he can start out his adult life debt-free, I will so appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteBrendan lived with his dad for nine years, only returning to my roof when he started high school. That was when his dad married his stepmom and moved to a small town about 30 miles away. He wanted to continue to go to school here, and so came to live with Jim and myself.
I have a very cooperative relationship with Brendan's dad and stepmom, and their respective families.
Moi, that is exactly what I'm doing. Thanks for the affirmation.
ReplyDeleteI suggest that I will send you medicene cards of animal totems and pay especial attention to your evil deer. That is an omen for you to heed the gentleness of spirit of the fawn who heals all wounds and cease pushing so hard to get others to change. Love them as they are and transfer that loving energy to your own loving heart. Frame that deer and see him as the father of the fawn who will grow in your heart. xxoomoi stay tuned.
ReplyDeleteYou are not abandoned Ronni. You will find the new energy that is the you that was waiting in the wings.
ReplyDeleteAm I pushing for others to change? If so, I'm not aware of it.
ReplyDeleteit is the rant on your own soul. Angst of what you could have changed. It is the lesson that Jim in his own way has left you. Succor unto yourself and your Jamie Sams Book and Cards will arrive anon. They are inspiring and you can apply them in any way that you wish. You must take care of you and allow all else to flow in the river as a willow. There is a strong rod through your body wishing to take care of everyone. It is that, that you must relinquish. Shoot, deario, it is a work in progress for all of us. This is just another nudge in the direction. Right or wrong, I know not, I only spew forth what I can do for others as to my own experiences. Take heart, weep, sob and wail. You can take a lesson from my cat on Loretta's FP. Burn, baby, burn and let loose your soul and let it fly. as ever, moi
ReplyDeleteI hope that all of your catzenjammers are well and I pray that you will have a good weeping session that will not swell your eyes or clog your nose. Those are my major complaints about the outpour. loving viberations deario.
ReplyDeleteshoot, c'est moi before.
ReplyDeleteMy eyelids have puffed up and collapsed so many times that my eyes are about covered by droopy eyelids!
ReplyDeleteI have a cold, so the nose is already shot.
Well, if you go to the eye doc, he will say those drooping eyelids interfere with your vision and so it is true. The stuffed up nodes hoses can be a sign of nodules in your nodes. Do you have medicare or any kind of insurances?
ReplyDeleteHa Ha Ha Ha
ReplyDeleteNo.
I was notified the day after Jim shot himself that my medical coverage would end at the end of the month. That gave me 11 days to do things like that, and I was in no shape to do any of them.
After some fussing, they did decide to let me have coverage to set up counselling, as long as I could do that by the end of September. So I am allowed five sessions, as long as I can get them in by the end of the year.
I may be able to get some excuse for coverage, that doesn't really cover anything, from TRS. I'm still working on that, but it will only be useful if I should come down with something catastrophic.
As far as Brendan goes, Ronni, you have obviously done a marvelous job with him. The very fact that he doesn't skulk, hide and have to spring things on you at the last moment, it a credit to you.
ReplyDeleteLet this be a time for you to realise that you don't HAVE to be there for others anymore. A time for YOU.
You are very fortunate with the relationship you have with Brendan's dad and his in-laws. They must take a load off you.
I often wonder if I will ever be free. Appalling as that sounds.