OK, you're going to laugh at me, but what the heck.
I just took an armful of costumes out to the car--just a few things that Ramona might need over Halloween. I passed "The Tree," and sent out a mental shout to Jim: "Hey, Prior! If that's you dropping acorns on the roof all night, quit it, OK?!"
(You really have no idea how loud an acorn can be, rolling down a roof at 4:00 AM when a person can't sleep!)
On my way back in, as I stepped under the porch roof, an acorn fell right at my feet.
UNDER the porch roof.
Right.
Now, why can't he do that with money?
Well, Ronni, first you have to get over the squirrels and the acorns on the tin roof. Even if they fell on a tile roof or a shingled roof, if you have you hearing, it will bother you. I predick that Jim was hard of hearing. That may have led to his demise, it did to mine. If you can't hear your soft-spoken students, then you become a bit diminished and start believing that you cannot possibly be worthy of asking them to repeat themselves. Is this one of the possibilities. Truly dear, my loss of hearing and loss of balance and the fabric-myalgyms have for sure contributed to my retreat from teaching. The first graders speak to their feet. I retreat from that as I was a language teacher who needed subtle hearing as to those tests. Well. i could still perform to a degree, yet not the degree to which I prefered. Very still sad for me. I still want to teach ESL. but where?
ReplyDeletemoi I have a suggestion. do volunteer work with the mothers of the young children you once taught. they will be eager patient and helping you will take away their shyness and make them more eager to try. I have worked with such women and and it is great.
ReplyDeleteBetty
Jim actually was getting hard of hearing. I had not considered that as a contributing factor.
ReplyDeleteI do believe in signs, Ronni.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I am currently in therapy to work on myself and my marriage. It has been truly beneficial to me and I am learning so much about myself and what makes me tick.
Last night's session I confided in my counselor that on numerous occassions I didn't listen to my inner voice about men and that it led to situations that were entirely unfavorable to me. He asked me to reflect on that and see if I could figure out why I chose vulnerability over inner voice protection.
Anyhoo, as I swang on my front porch last night, I had an epiphany of sorts. The love that my father and I had for each other prior to his death when I was almost 6 was so completely pure and profound. I didn't get to spend much time with him because he worked two jobs and went to college at night. However, the time I did spend with him was fabulous and I would have done anything he ever asked me to do. He was my hero. In a way I have been searching for that love from men ever since. That love is distorted and not really attainable as it was a father/daughter (textbook psychology) early love.
With that being said, I never got a chance to see his imperfections as a human being or be angry at him for saying "No" to me as a teenager.
Anyhoo, when this clarity came to me, I said a prayer of thanks that I actually did experience this kind of love in my life at least once. I told my dad how much I loved him. At that precise moment my wind chimes rang two times. There was absolutely no wind blowing but rather a still calm in the air.
It was at that very moment I burst into tears and felt my fathers love all over again.
Sorry this is so long. Just keep looking and listening for signs of Jim's love for you. It is there, you just need to recognize it. Telling him you would prefer it not to be annoying acorn reminders is hysterical. I love that.
Have a great weekend, friend.