Today is my 11th anniversary. Too bad my husband isn't here to share it with.
It was sort of a sad day. If we weren't so busy at the shop, I would have tried to get off...trade today for Monday, or something, but Ramona told me last week that we would not have any more Mondays off for a while, so there went that idea.
My first thought would have been to spend the day in San Antonio, for obvious reasons. However, the Slut Walk would have kept me in Austin. As it was, the Ascot scene from "My Fair Lady" and some Munchkins from "The Wizard of Oz" soaked up my day. That, and....has anyone noticed how many country songs are about death? I think I heard them all today.
As well, it was Strike for "The Tempest Project." That snuck up on me the same way the opening did, so San Antonio would have been out of the picture for a lot of reasons.
I have to say that "Tempest" is one of the prettiest shows I've ever done. Thanks, Frank, for introducing me to Steampunk, which is AWESOME!
But anyway, I spent my 11th anniversary sewing and crying, with a fan blowing into my right ear and sweat running down my left side. After that, I ate alone at McDonald's, and helped Chandra with the ropes for the final performance of "Tempest." I shut my left hand in the Green Room door, and it still hurts. My car is full of smelly costumes. I missed the Slut Walk, though I am very grateful to Ben, who went and called me at lunch with audio on his phone, so the day wasn't a total loss.
That, and I received a lovely and unexpected gift from the cast of the show...a rocking Steampunk locket in the form of a pocket watch, with one of our wedding pictures in sepia and little silver tokens of love in it. Thank you so much!
Maybe next year I'll have better luck at letting this day go by without tears.
Hugs to you Ronni... from ALL at our house. I'm so sorry it's still so hard, but I guess it will take a few years to soften it. You've been a great inspiration to so many people this year--it's too bad we can't fill that particular hole for you. Blast, I can't believe we missed "Tempest", I can't wait to get caught up on my projects so I can take in more of what's going on around me. I just keep chanting "computers are my friends, they make my life easier" but it hasn't helped much this week. xo!
ReplyDeleteYou're allowed to feel stink, Ronni (in my best NZ youth vernacular). I know I do (December 21 last year being the 38th anniversary of my marriage and April 12 this year being the 10th anniversary of my husband's death). Life does go on ... but ...
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about this, Ronni. I hope you have a better day today.
ReplyDeleteLove and Peace,
Tom Degan
I know what you mean. My best friend died three years ago. I know this may be weird, considering our relationship was entirely platonic and damn near sibling-like, but the closest word for I can think of to describe how I felt is widowed. The only man I ever expected to be around for the rest of my life, gone. I felt like I had to readjust my course and figure out how to live without him. Like there was this huge gap in my life where he had been, where he should be. And I do feel some external and internal pressure to "get over it." It's hard with the wedding coming. It's hard when I hear one of the songs that was important to us when we were kids, or I see a film or a photo I know he would have loved. Likewise, it's been 18 years since my Mom was killed, and there are hard days, still. Her birthday, her anniversary.
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok to let a few tears spill on those days. Those of us with life-altering losses, which is most of us, if you think about it, do a reasonably good job on all the other days of walking around like there aren't holes in our hearts. We deserve a little comfort, and crying, being able to cry, is a comfort.