Sunday, February 06, 2011

Letter to Mike


I have been good.  I have been quiet.  I have not ripped into you for what you have done to my daughter and my grandson.  I even spoke to you nicely at Ethan's birthday gathering.  For his sake, mind you...not yours.

However.  If you didn't want a family, why did you lead my daughter to believe that you did?  If you didn't want to have a child, buy a house, get a dog, why did you go along with Vanessa's plan?  I know she can be very enthusiastic, but you are an adult.  You could have said, at any point, "No...I don't want to do that.  If that's what you really want, we need to split up, because I am not that guy."  What is so very difficult about that?  Compared to this situation, I mean.

Just who is "Celeste," anyway?  Somebody you were seeing before you married Vanessa?  Obviously, somebody you are seeing now!  And what is with your telling my grandson who he has to love?  He's four, for God's sake!  He loves his mommy.  He will always love his mommy, and she will always love him, whatever juvenile games you choose to play.  Telling he he has to love Celeste because you do is bullshit.  Telling him he doesn't love his mommy is emotional abuse.  Does it give you a kick to think about him looking at Vanessa and saying, "I don't love you.  I love Celeste?"  How "middle school" is that?  You are a grown man, for God's sake!  Do you not care about the well-being of your son?

Here's the thing.  This is how mature people who care about their children handle divorce...they put the child first.  They do not plunge into new relationships within days of leaving their spouses.  They do not expose their children, especially children as young as Ethan, to their new significant others and suggest that the new replace the old.  They do not say bad things about their exes in front of the children, and they do not permit others to do so.  They bend over backwards to assure their children that they are loved and will be loved and cared for by both parents, even though the parents are no longer together.  They do not argue over money details, they work it out.  They respond to communications concerning the children, rather than ignoring texts, calls, emails, etc.

You are not only an asshole for doing all of the above, you are a prime case of arrested development.

As for lying and saying it was Vanessa's idea to get the $1200 dog...sorry, Mike.  I know my daughter, and I know that her preference would have been for a shelter dog, not some expensive puppy-mill purebred.  Do you think that, just because you say it, you can make it the truth?  Not so.  Your mama may believe you, Celeste may believe you, but I know you for the lying cad you are.  And I will make sure that as many people as I can reach know you for what you are, as well.

You need to discuss, agree on, and sign the parenting plan.  Your divorce will be much more expensive if the Judge has to work that out.

Speaking of your divorce, it has been over two months since you left.  Why haven't you filed by now?  Is it because you are just toying with Celeste, the way you toyed with Vanessa?  As long as you are not "free" (cheap, maybe), you can't be expected to make promises to her, now can you.  God!  She must be dumb as dirt to believe in a lying jerk like you! Especially with the evidence living right here in Central Texas...not left far away in Germany!

My daughter is a good person.  So is my grandson.  They deserve respect.  Too bad that you choose to withhold it.


Very sincerely,

Your Mother-in-law


  1. Isn't there a law against parents doing that type of emotional abuse to their children? I am so sorry your daughter and grandson have to deal with that.

  2. Until there is a court order, there is nothing that can really be done. A divorce cannot be finalized until after the baby comes in May. Until then, they are on their own. Vanessa is trying to work out a plan. Mike said he would work with her, but now is reneging on that. She can't afford a lawyer, and he is threatening to take Ethan and the baby and leave her the debts. It's ugly, and I hate it.

  3. Ronni - I'm so sorry she's going through this. They're out there among us, posing as charming and "normal" people - malignant narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, bullies. And one of the best ways to deal with them is with a good lawyer. Maybe there's a way Vanessa can get representation without paying an arm and a leg.

  4. how do you say in Warcraft terms or whatever that infantile game is called...
    support your offspring, mike.

    Level One- use a condom

    Level 2 - don't screw other w/ women when you are married and have a little baby boy you are trying to bring up in the world.

    Level 3- don't run off when you have baby on the way plus a little man looking up to you to be an example.

    Level 4- do not take the only means of transportation when you have a pregnant wife and a small son.

    GAME OVER, mike. help your family!

  5. i had a typo but i am pissed off mike.
    don't screw w/ other women is what i meant to say.

    i am still trying to understand celeste.

    what is so attractive about a manchild who runs back to his mom, takes the only car, leaves a pregnant wife and a toddler to play video games?

    doesn't sound like such a catch to me.

    mike is free to live out his life as ... well whatever... but he needs to support those he tossed aside, especially his children.

    mike, grow up and give them money to live on...
    your abandonment is not cool at all.
    it is very cowardly. keep the dog but give your son money and transportation.

  6. while mike is out questing on World of Warcraft,
    he is missing the most important quest that defines
    a man - providing for his children.

    perhaps a family court judge will bring the Cataclysm upon this gamer.

  7. Well said Ronni. You and yours have more courage in your little fingers that that Mike has in his entire body!

  8. Thanks, Nelly! We try.

    Surf, he has exchanged the SUV for the truck, so V now has the SUV. He also pays child support, but not enough, and not when he needs, after he buys toys, he gives her what's left over.

  9. okay, at least he is doing something.

    i hope mike and vanessa can come to some sort of agreement (meaning that mike pays for running away from his responsibilities).

    you know that i don't want anyone to stay in an unhappy marriage- mike or vanessa.

    but good God, mike, own up to your responsiblities.

    i am happy that Vanessa and ethan at least have wheels.

    it rips my heart out --- that whole manipulation
    about ethan being told not to love his mommy and how celeste has replaced his mommy. adults needs to act like grownups. that means you, mike. stop it. stop using ethan in your anger against his mom. don't bring your tiny kid into your warfare w/ V.

    it is disgusting. you are free to do whatever you want to do w/ your life but no one will stand by if you inflict damage on your children.
    no one.

    play WofW at your mom's house. bang celeste. no one cares. just own up to your responsibilities as a man.

    drive around w/ the boxer dog. i hope you treat the dog better than you have your little son and his mother. the dog depends on you. don't dump him
    like you did your family. the dog is depending on you.

    i hope you are a better man w/ him than you have been to your flesh and blood and as a husband.

    man up. pay up. be free.

    just pay for your children and the wife you left behind in the dust.

    stop the vile mindgames.

    it damages ethan more than you know.

  10. as you can see, i am still hurt for vanessa and ethan.

    marriages end all of the time but for ethan to suffer and V after she made that lovely new home...
    it just really pisses me off.

  11. Ronni, my heart goes out to you. I am living a very similar situation, only my daughter is the one caught up with the narcissist. Someone said the other day, "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Not sure that made me feel better at all :)

  12. Carol, Vanessa is my daughter. I haven't seen you in a while...thanks for checking in! That expression makes me feel better!

  13. I know who Vanessa is! I've been reading here for years :) I guess I wasn't exactly clear. My daughter, Allison, is like the Celeste in your story. What the f she is thinking is beyond me. The man has cheated on his (now ex-) wife since forever. He has debt out the wazoo, he always has a drink in his hand, he carries a concealed weapon only he doesn't always conceal it, he's pretentious, he dresses to the nines, he know him, don't you? My daughter is a WONDERFUL person....she is a first grade teacher, she's funny, she's smart, she's witty, she DOES NOT need this guy. So what is it? He showers her with attention, compliments, gifts(which I'm sure he can't afford). I am quite certain she is a paycheck to him. It's a great, fun game trying to "get" her. Once he does, he will be right back to his philandering, etc. I've tried to tell her what I see, based not only on my observations but on what she herself has told me. Now she's mad at ME! How classic is that? My heart breaks for Vanessa and Ethan and all the women being crapped on by sorry men!

  14. Sorry, Carol...I hadn't see a comment in a while, so I thought you might have forgotten..I am sorry about your daughter. It is so hard to watch them screw up and know you can't do anything about it, because they know so much more than we do!

    And, yes! Crappy men get the shovel!

  15. Thanks, ladies! It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one polishing a shovel.

    Things in the Mike department are not changing much, but the Moving On department has been quite busy lately. I just got notification that a sliding-scale housing unit will be available in 2 weeks, which will get us into a small 2 bedroom for under $700 a month and give me a chance to sell the house before a forclosure ruins my credit. I have set aside some of my tax return (hopefully it will be enough) to pay a lawyer when I get served with papers, which should be within the next few weeks.

    Ethan has a therapist now and so do I, at least until my Medicaid runs out after Eli is born. Hopefully we will be able to work through this together, and my little family will be stronger and better off without Mike once I get us back on our feet.

    My boys will be able to learn how to be real men without the negative influence of a bad marriage and a worse father in their lives every day.

    I'm taking it one day at a time, and trying not to worry about things over which I have no control. There are many things on the back burners that I will have to deal with later, but I will face everything that is coming head on and with determination that only an Aries born from a long line of stubbornness is capable of.

    Wish me luck, because I need it! But, don't we ALL?