I find these day-to-day entries very interesting, as he appears to have let it all hang out there. Unlike Joseph Edward Duncan, whose blog attempted to present an innocent victim of circumstance, George Sodini has left us some insight into the mind of a killer.
Here's an excerpt:
I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree.
There are other entries like this, and several that seem to indicate that the man's main hobby was sitting around, counting the years, months and days since he last got laid, counting the number of times he has got laid, and complaining about not getting laid. Sex, or the lack of it, seemed to be a huge problem for him. He complains about not having been taught how to attract women, he grumbles that his brother is a bully.
I can relate, in many ways, to some of his feelings. I remember being The Rejected One in high school. I remember looking at myself in the mirror for long enough to annoy my mother, searching for the ugliness that must be there, somewhere. What was it about me that caused people to dislike me on sight?
However, eventually I got busy with life and outgrew such speculation. George's solution was to blame everyone, especially the women; those who rejected him in the past, and those who were sure to reject him in the future. He seems never to have got busy with life.
A normal man, in George Sodini's shoes, would have acquired a hobby; something that would get him out of the house and among the kind of people he wanted to meet. Running. Hiking. Photography. He seems to have been interested in fitness, though that may have just been to get an "in" at the gym.
George probably radiated the desperation of a man who keeps track of the dates of every sexual act of which he ever partook...and there is nothing less attractive to the opposite sex than desperation.
George had an added liability, in that he seemed to lack any interest in the individuality of women. He was looking for a trophy girl--slim, fit, sleek, expensive, pretty--not any particular woman. He says above, "A man needs a woman for confidence." He is acquisitive, rather than loving. Detached. Alienated. Isolated. Insular. Crazier than a shit-house rat.
He wanted a trophy, but he wasn't a winner.
I think psychologists will be looking at this journal quite closely.