Thursday, March 26, 2009

To Go, Or Not To Go

I recently received an interesting invitation.

As some of you know, when Jim died, I donated his organs to The Tissue Center of Central Texas. Several months later, I received a thank-you card from a recipient of that donation. I am glad there was something of use. I'm sure Jim would be, as well.

So. Now the Tissue Center is holding a "remembrance reception," titled "Life Gives On." My invitation says,
This event is dedicated to our donor families and their loved ones who have touched our lives and the lives of so many other through their gift of tissue donation.

To go, or not to go? I know that, if I do go, I shall cry. That's a given. The thing that I won't know unless I go, is if it will help me get past the lingering vision of Jim, bleeding and gasping on the lawn on that awful night.

I think of him every day. Mostly happy memories, but at least once a day the image of him as we found him descends upon me like a fog. That's not counting the times I think I see him walking away from me, his dear shoulders slumped in defeat.

If I go, I'd like to think I might carry something away with me that might counter these sad thoughts. I'm pondering: is it worth the tears?

I have a couple of weeks to make up my mind.


  1. Tears will dry. The memory of the faces that have been saved and their joy will be with you forever. *hugs* It's not an easy choice, but I wish you peace in making it.

  2. I think you should go Ronni.

  3. Ronni, I hope you will attend. I was a bone marrow donor and was invited to something similar. Although my recipient was not there, it was heartwarming to see other donors and their recipients meet for the first time. And yes, I think you will shed some tears, perhaps for joy rather than sadness.


  4. For what it is worth, I suggest going. At the worst, you will still be where you are mentally. However, you might be able to end up with at least a partial sense of 'closure'.

    Hugs and "keep on trucking" (as we said in my youth).


  5. "Onward through the fog," eh, Russ? LOL!

  6. It was very generous of you to donate his tissues. Lisa F said it well, and I agree with everyone, and I think it must ultimately be your decision to make. It may offer some closure, and also give you something nicer to replace that bad memory of your last glimpse of Jim's bleeding body. I know I would be so grateful if someone offered their own or loved ones tissues/organs and it saved the life of someone I loved. ...tracie

  7. I have noting to add except my love and warm (((hugs))) to you Ronni.

  8. I think you should go too. FWIW of course.

    I think that seeing something good coming from his death (weird) will ultimately make you feel better.

  9. How could you go to something like that and not cry?

    You're looking at life from opposite sides of the spectrum. For some, organ donation is a chance at life for yourself or someone you love. For others, it's devastation.

    Someone at that event thinks of you often and wants you to go....

  10. If you need me, I'll go with you! Just let me know when it is and I'll get that day off.

  11. LOL! I'm going to have to get time off, too! It's the day before your birthday.

  12. I hope you go Ronni..isn't it wonderful that part of Jim is living on because of the choice you made to donate?! You gave someone else the chance to live, what could be more wonderful then that? Take a big box of tissues and go..I think it will help you to know that something so tragic was turned into something so wonderful.(((HUGS))))) T

  13. I attended an event very much like this with my grandmother a few years back. She was the recipient of a heart transplant, 20 years before, and because of that, I got to have her with me far longer than I should have.

    Her donor was a 33 year old, mother of three, whose family decided at the very last minute to donate her organs.

    For that, *I* was grateful, and I felt the need to go with her to say "thank you".

    It may be cathartic to see what good came from such tragedy. For me, it was amazing to be able to tell this woman's family, their gift, completely changed my life.

    That's just my $.02.

  14. Go, and cry your eyes out not only for the loss of your beloved Jim, but for the gift his untimely passing gave another.