Sunday, December 28, 2008
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...
OK, so I will keep an eye out for a lower table for next year. I do like having the tree in front of the window. It's a back window, so there are no issues with safety, etc.
(I will also get some better curtains made. I just threw these up because I needed to cover the window so I don't have to look out at the junkyard that is my back garden. I bought a bolt of this gauze when it was on sale at Walmart for $1/yard.)
I kind of got discouraged with ornaments. When I split up with the Infamous Jude, I never could get anyone from the county sheriff's office to go with me to get my stuff, so, eventually, he brought it to my workplace late at night. He threw it off his truck in the alley behind the store, getting me fired in the process. He did include a bag of Christmas ornaments, but the ornaments were not mine, they were his. I guess he either kept (unlikely) or trashed (probably) mine.
All the little things the kids made in school, and the ones I made, and the ones that Grandma gave the babies, and the ones I bought each year for each child.
I had been slowly building up a new collection, lacking, of course, the paper plate angels and the popsicle-stick picture frames. After a few years with Jim, mine and his became inextricably mixed. It didn't matter, of course. Now it does.
For Addy, Christmas ornaments were family heirlooms. she had some saved from her own grandmother. Decorating the tree was an emotional roller coaster for Jim, remembering what year he got which ornament in his stocking, or how his Dad bought that one because he liked old cars, etc.
Not my stories, not my memories.
Boxes and boxes of ornaments to be searched and sorted into "Prior's" and "Ronni's."
Not happening last year or this year.
So, last year I pulled out one box at random. It turned out to be a box of "rejects" from the year before. You know--the pine-cone-and-glitter corsage that is perfect if you have a hole and run out of nicer things. I had added a few that Brendan's friends had given him, and some from friends in The Gaggle (Hi, Gaggle!) and ended up with a very pretty tree, infused with new memories. This year, I revelled in the new colours of glass balls available--bronze and light green, etc., and bought quite a few.
I honestly don't think there is one "Prior" ornament on the tree this year. Just as using them made Jim sad, so it makes me sad, too, now that he is gone.
So, it's glass balls and Christmas card "ormanents," and lovely things hand made by friends that trim my cheerful little tree this year, and in all the years to come.
I hope it's a Good Thing...