Once again, the leaves drift down
and I sit in silence, thinking of love and loss.
I look at the gun, and think, this...
This...thing...is the last thing he touched.
He could have touched me, yet he chose this...thing
Of steel and violence and death.
I am lost.
The sun shines down, the moon glimmers,
The stars twinkle...
And yet...
I am unreal, suspended, waiting.
How could he sit right in front of me and
Load a gun and
Get up and walk out the front door and
Kneel down by a tree and
Brace the butt of the gun against the tree and
Place the muzzle against his temple and
Fire?
What demons and darkness did he hide from me through years?
I sit
Barricaded in my stone house,
And the acorns roll down the roof
Once again.
My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteMine too. ((big hugs))
ReplyDeleteI hate that you still have the gun. And I hate Jim's demons too, I am glad you dont know them.
Hi Ronni. Thinking of you and wishing there was something, we could do to make it all better for you.
ReplyDeletePossumbear
Ahh--that untethered feeling--its haunting that is for sure. Sorry it is hitting you today, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHere is a poem that I read over and over again to answer many of the questions you ask yourself. Its call Final Flight and the author is unknown:
_______________________________
Dont grieve for me, for I am free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard his call
I turned my back and left it all
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work to play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the end of the day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, I savoured much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now. He set me free.
Thinking of you today Ronni. Wish I could make it better, lift some of the pain. XXOO Pat
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, sadness, to me, feels worse in the fall. Maybe it's because of the bleakness once the leaves have done their colorful magic & then fallen to the earth. I used to find Spring difficult for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have reason to be sad whatever the season.
For much different reasons, I am feeling very sad lately too. Perhaps if we didn't have "down times", we wouldn't appreciate the up-times quite as much. Of course, one must *have* up-times to appreciate them -- my oh my but ain't I l'il Miss Depressive today.
Sending you good thoughts and warm
[[[hugs]]]
kontiki
Sorry to hear you are so sad, Ronni. This is obviously one of the trough days....
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. xx
Good thoughts are all I can add that your burden will be lightened again soon. I'm sure there will be up days and down days - you are human after all - but I wish good speed to the bad days and a long linger to the good ones.
ReplyDeleteGod didn't set him free. He set himself free. How sick is that?
ReplyDelete