Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Stupid People Need Costumes Too

The Halloween crowd is already coming in. We got a lady today who was not the sharpest crayon in the box.

She came in and said she wanted a "Masquerade Ball" costume. Something that would go with her mask. She didn't bring the mask, but said it was a plain black half-mask.


Ramona got her first, and pulled several Marie Antoinette gowns for her, including that pretty grey and silver one that Delaney wore in "Shakespeare in Hollywood." After that, Ramona was called away because "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" was coming back (think two SUVs full of stuff, including a centaur), so I inherited Miss Dumb-As-A-Box-Of-Rocks.

"Miss," she says, "Can you help me?"

Dearly Beloved, she couldn't get the skirt off the hanger. What, you may ask, was holding it on there?

Safety pins. The woman couldn't operate a safety pin.

Neither could she operate a bodice. She got stuck in it because she didn't unlace it far enough. I showed her how to put on the underskirt, which is basically an apron panel on a drawstring. She couldn't manage that, either. Then she wanted "the same thing, but shorter."

I knew what she wanted--Frederick's of Hollywood has these little short dresses in this style, with long white stockings and push-up bras.

We don't have a lot of stuff like that, but we have some showgirl things, etc. Then I was stricken with inspiration, and said, "How about a fairy?" They are mostly short, and cute, and some of them are pretty sexy.

Meanwhile, Ramona needed me to help check in "LWW," so I had to leave my customer to her own devices.

By the time I got back to her, she had given up on fairies and was checking out saloon girls. Fair enough. Also cute, short (some of them), and sexy. I asked if she would like a tape measure, and she said she would, so I got her one.

She looked at it helplessly and said, "I don't know how to use this."

Now, I'm not the soul of tact. I know I'm not. I looked at her in utter disbelief and said, "It's a tape measure!"

She said, "I don't know what to measure." So I showed her how to measure her bust, waist and hips, and pulled a costume at random and showed her how to measure the bust, waist and hip on it. I had to explain that she would have to stretch it and measure it from side seam to side seam, and multiply by two.

Dearly Beloved, she didn't get it.

Somewhere in the midst of our checking in the show, she left without choosing anything.

She still has time to have something shipped from Frederick's.

At least she knows her measurements now.


  1. I hope you haven't ground down your teeth. lol

  2. Did you get your tape measure back?

    [[And having seen we 'experienced' folks f-up measurements for costumes; well, at least she asked. Bless her heart.]]

  3. I had to run after her out to her car. She couldn't remember where she had left it. I found it on the floor--she had dropped it.

  4. How'd she manage to drive herself there?

  5. Why did I think Halloween was your most amusing time of year??? Silly me.

  6. Halloween is pretty crazy. We enjoy it, except when it comes down to the wire, and there are people everywhere, and we are trying to help four people at once. We are not actually a "shop," more like a warehouse/workshop, so there is really not much that people can find for themselves, without help. And some of them try on a million different things and leave them trampled all over the dressing room floor.

    Meanwhile, we usually have at least one show in the works at the time.

    And Ramona is throwing things at me--"This gentleman needs a button on this...Can you hem this up a couple of inches for me, please...Would you let out these tucks for this lady...?"

  7. Geesh, I am not a stupid person. But I probably would be in the same boat.

    Granted, I know how to do my measurments, but that doesnt mean I know what my size is.

    Which ranges in brands from 6, 8, 10, 12.

    I totally tell people I am a 6 based on this lol.

    And on a bad day, I would so leave without knowing where the dreaded tape measure was that gave me a number I didnt want.

  8. Which is why we don't go by sizes, but by measurements.

    I don't even shop for myself without a tape measure.

    And if you left without a costume, you'd have to keep shopping and do it all over again somewhere else.

  9. Aww crap. This year I am going to put black eyeliner wiped under my eyes and go as someone who works in the financial district.

    Come to think of it, I may not need the makeup.

  10. I'm going to see Carrie Underwood, so I won't need a costume.