The Halloween crowd is already coming in. We got a lady today who was not the sharpest crayon in the box.
She came in and said she wanted a "Masquerade Ball" costume. Something that would go with her mask. She didn't bring the mask, but said it was a plain black half-mask.
Ramona got her first, and pulled several Marie Antoinette gowns for her, including that pretty grey and silver one that Delaney wore in "Shakespeare in Hollywood." After that, Ramona was called away because "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" was coming back (think two SUVs full of stuff, including a centaur), so I inherited Miss Dumb-As-A-Box-Of-Rocks.
"Miss," she says, "Can you help me?"
Dearly Beloved, she couldn't get the skirt off the hanger. What, you may ask, was holding it on there?
Safety pins. The woman couldn't operate a safety pin.
Neither could she operate a bodice. She got stuck in it because she didn't unlace it far enough. I showed her how to put on the underskirt, which is basically an apron panel on a drawstring. She couldn't manage that, either. Then she wanted "the same thing, but shorter."
I knew what she wanted--Frederick's of Hollywood has these little short dresses in this style, with long white stockings and push-up bras.
We don't have a lot of stuff like that, but we have some showgirl things, etc. Then I was stricken with inspiration, and said, "How about a fairy?" They are mostly short, and cute, and some of them are pretty sexy.
Meanwhile, Ramona needed me to help check in "LWW," so I had to leave my customer to her own devices.
By the time I got back to her, she had given up on fairies and was checking out saloon girls. Fair enough. Also cute, short (some of them), and sexy. I asked if she would like a tape measure, and she said she would, so I got her one.
She looked at it helplessly and said, "I don't know how to use this."
Now, I'm not the soul of tact. I know I'm not. I looked at her in utter disbelief and said, "It's a tape measure!"
She said, "I don't know what to measure." So I showed her how to measure her bust, waist and hips, and pulled a costume at random and showed her how to measure the bust, waist and hip on it. I had to explain that she would have to stretch it and measure it from side seam to side seam, and multiply by two.
Dearly Beloved, she didn't get it.
Somewhere in the midst of our checking in the show, she left without choosing anything.
She still has time to have something shipped from Frederick's.
At least she knows her measurements now.