So, here we are, once again, in the season of fertility and renewal. Trees budding, birds chirping, "Alleluias" and organ music pouring out of churches everywhere.
It is seven months and three days since Jim shot himself.
The little patch of pink flowers that has always grown on that spot is back, as if nothing had happened there. This year, I put the plastic Jesus there, and got a stone with a blessing on it and put that in the hole in the tree. I wonder how many years it will take for the tree to grow over that. Maybe, by then, my heart will have grown over its wound.
I wish I could put a stone there, too.
If only he'd have given some thought that he would be putting that hole in you, too, I think he would have thought twice about doing so. This was only about him though. I hope you have a happy Easter in spite of it all!
ReplyDeleteI shall do my best. Got to get that ham into the oven...
ReplyDelete...Iron Brendan a shirt for his "Hamlet" costume--he's Bernardo, who, in this production, is a Secret Service officer...
...wash towels...
...wash dishes...
~sigh~
Are you REALLY cooking a hayum?
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of a nice big chunk of Tilapia or some other white fish. Is HEB open today?
Of course I am...
ReplyDeleteDid the Ether Bunny come, or have you not opened the door yet?
If HEB is open, I need Energizers.
Ronni(Vero)
ReplyDeleteYou probably don't remember me from Misfitting years ago when you and others helped me through a long, lonely Christmas.
I found Ronni's Rants again and I am so saddened to hear about your husband. I, too, am a survivor of a loved one's suicide with a .357, though not a husband.
I lived many years looking at the why's and seeing the signs all around, but it doesn't change anything. I am happy to see that you are taking steps to just do the daily necessities as that is sometimes all you can do.
I guess I just want you to know that there are people out here in cyberland you don't even know that have hope for you. You are an inspiration to many on several levels.
May you someday, someway find peace.
Peki
Peki! Of course I remember you! It's good to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the middle of a nightmare, here, but I, too, have hope that someday soon, I shall see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't be such a stranger, and please let me know how things are with you. Me email is veroprior at gmail dot com.
(((((((HUGS))))))))))
ReplyDeleteI just came across your blog and have been reading and reading and reading. You are an inspiration. My thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marni...it's nice to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how you feel about that tree being there, Ronni? Such an awful reminder each day. I know, you don't need that to remind you. It will be when you start having peaceful days, though.
ReplyDeletePretty flowers in a tragic spot.
I think I'd feel worse if it weren't there.
ReplyDeleteI can live with it for now. If I can't, in the future, I will rethink.