You never hear about the Ides of February. It's all about March, just because Willie the Shake said so.
Every month has to have its Ides, right?
Well, this is the Ides of February, and I'm ready to celebrate.
Because I survived Valentine's Day. Maybe not well, but I got through it.
Jim and I were never hugely into Valentine's Day--just a card and some chocolate or a book. Hell, last year, he forgot our anniversary (that took some doing, as it was also his mother's and grandmother's anniversary), and the year before that, he forgot my birthday. He was a dear man, but dates escaped him sometimes.
Anyway, to continue.
I am told that every holiday will be rough, especially this year. Thanksgiving sucked, as I was more-or-less unable to focus on things for which to be thankful, though I have many. Christmas sucked, in spite of efforts by my kids to make it better. Without those efforts, it would have REALLY sucked, so I have to be thankful for their hard work.
I don't even want to talk about New Years.
Ethan's birthday was a celebration of him. So, now I just have to get past Easter, which was never a big deal for us, Jim's birthday, our anniversary, and my birthday. The kids' birthdays will be all right, as will Aidan's half of mine.
It's five days away from six months since Jim checked out. I do get some sense of time passing, but, in some ways, I'm still emotionally stuck where I was when I heard that shot. Maybe that will always be.
I am functioning, but not well.
There must be so many dates for different occasions that will be difficult for you, Ronni. You have been functioning since the day of this awful tragedy. You might not think you are doing well but I do. Everything you have written has been intelligent and coherent, never self-indulgent. For that, I take my hat off to you.
ReplyDeleteYou never simper and you never seem like a victim. You should feel extremely proud of yourself. Applause!
BTW, Something disappeared from here before I could read it. I wanted to wait until I had a bit of time. Err um, do you still have it? If so, please email it to me.
Done, Mgt.
ReplyDeleteIt's a short story by W W Jacobs, and one of my favourites.
Once I got it up there, I realized that it's a bit long for a blog entry.
And, thank you for your kind words. I honestly don't know how well I am doing, and it helps to hear how it looks to a friend.
ReplyDeleteA TCloud customer put moves on me last week. Shocked the hell out of me. I will tell that story later--must run, now.
Thanks, Ronni. Wishing you a good weekend and a good few laughs.
ReplyDeleteUm, don't forget to follow up on chat-up guy, if you please. Velly intelestink!
Ronni, I see your strength every day. I know the holidays are hard and I hope it gets easier in time.
ReplyDeleteI have been tackling my clutter around here. It has been driving me crazy, yet I couldn't seem to get started. Anyway, I finally got to a stack of papers I had in a basket and found cards, emails and faxes I had received when Sharon died. Of course, I just broke down and cried. But it was easier somehow. I reflected on that and I know in my heart she wouldn't want me to be in such pain, especially after nearly eight years.
Then I found the local newspaper article about her accident and my letter to the editor ripping her to shreds. But that's another story. I got angry all over again. The editor has since moved on and so must I. Sorry for rambling on.
I think of you every day and wish I could give you a hug. Just know you have many friends who will be here to listen and support you.
((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
ReplyDeleteummm what can I say? I am truly sorry for what your going through.
At least your not totally shut off inside,and your able to communicate well about it.I've tried to keep busy, and not think about how many losses I had last year..I haven't really grieved,and sometimes it drives me to distraction that I can't seem to get past the anger stage.I'm sure I'll hit the melting point,and equally sure it wont be pretty.Your a strong woman,and I admire that.But life really sucks somtimes!
BTW,I'm curious about the moves put on you!are you going to tell us,or leave us in suspense? lol
I agree wholeheartedly w/mgt, Ronni. I read here each day that I get online. I started reading here because I liked your stories/pics from your past and from the theatre, and just your writing in general (wit, sense of humor, etc).
ReplyDeleteI have continued reading since the loss of your beloved Jim, and it seems to me that you have been finding your way through an incredibly tragic & heart-wrenching loss as well as anyone could possibly expect!
I caught the WW Jacobs late last night, and it has always been a fave of mine, too. The 'version' I had read previously was a little different from the WW Jacobs you posted, and I liked this one even better! Want to read it to my teenage sons. I will try to find it online.
http://gaslight.mtroyal.ca/mnkyspaw.htm
ReplyDeleteHere's where I got the version I posted.
Thanks for your continued support. I'd be lost without you all!
It only took me 20 years years before I forgot to dread the day mother died. You are ahead of the curve and doing with honesty,grace,and courage that continue to amaze and inspire all of us. Betty
ReplyDeleteHello Roni:
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right--the holidays are tough. But they begin to change after the first go-around. Not completely GREAT--but somewhat better. I go to the cemetery on the holidays--it makes me feel better.
It has been 18 months since my Jim committed suicide. Last night, I read the final chapter of the Carla Fine book I recommended to you. I had been saving the last chapter for 18 months out from Jim's death.
It was a good decision. That last chapter really meant something to me now at this stage that it would never have meant at month 6. So save that book and mark your calendar for one year from now and then read that book--let me know what you think.
Susan