Who was it that made the infamous statement that it was good to have a widow for a "booty call," because they "don't tell, don't swell and are grateful as hell?"
There is a frequent customer at the sangwidge shop who appears to believe the above words of popular wisdom. I shall call him "Norm."
Norm is a bit older than I, I think. He's a big guy, with what remains of his hair arranged in a 1950s duck tail, with 70s sideburns. Whenever I ask him, "What can I get for you," he answers, "Whiskey and soda; light on the soda." I tell him he's in the wrong place for that, and then we get down to the business of the sangwidge.
He had diabetes, and seems to have an unaccountable distaste for tooth glue. His plate is usually flopping around as he talks. And talk he does. He tells me all about his wives, girlfriends, ex-wives, etc., and what bitches they all were to him.
I hadn't seen him but a couple of times since Jim died, and the last time he was in the shop, he asked me if I was still married, but in such a tone that I could tell he had heard about Jim's suicide. When I told him I had "lost" my husband, he proceeded to ask me a lot of personal questions like, "Left you pretty well fixed, did he?" (To which I answered, "I'm still here!") He told me he was "almost divorced" from his latest wife, and would I like to go out for a drink? I fended off the question, but he persisted, and I told him I was done. He said, "Well, you may be done with marriage, but not with the old..." and his body language let me know exactly what he meant. I reiterated that I was DONE, and he retreated.
I don't think I've heard the last of Norm.
If that's his normal come-on, the miracle is that he isn't still a virgin!
It wouldn't be good for the sandwidge biz to tell him to get off your leg, would it?
ReplyDeleteoops, that was me.
ReplyDeleteokay, WTH?
ReplyDeleteLOL Lisa! OMG Ronni, I thought that kind of behavior was only limited towards bartenders and cocktail waitresses (I've been both!).
ReplyDeleteNext time tell him you've crawled over better men to get to your teddy bear. On second thought, don't. He probably wouldn't get it.
Eeewwwww.
ReplyDelete"Those who can do; those who can't talk". Guess that tells you what Norm can't do. Betty
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom divorced 30 years ago suddenly men who were still married were after her. At least one asked her when she turned him down "WHY? divorcees are "Hot to trot"!" So, according to him, it was my mom's fault for not being "hot to trot", not his fault for being something she wouldn't want to trot with! I think you do just fine to keep your eyes focused on the sangwich plate and not the moving plate. But if he gets pushy, don't hesitate to tell the manager. Women have put up with sexual harrassment (just to keep a job) for too long. ...tracie
ReplyDeleteWhat Stacey said, though in my mind it sounded a bit more like, "Eeeyuckhhh!"
ReplyDeleteThat being said, thanks for sharing. I love your writing. You make me laugh!!
Eeewww. I've told men that if they were the last man on earth I would ma ... ummm .. take care of my self. Guess you can't talk like that in a sandwich shop. Funny those kind think they are doG's gift to women.
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO! And I third the EWWWWWWWWWYUCK!
ReplyDeleteRonni, I 'm sorry but that gav me a good laugh, it's really too bad that you couldn't say waht you probably wanted to because of where you were!..
What IS it with men??? Tell him to go a HIRE someone if he bothers you again!
Oh poor Ronni...I KNOW! you could always accidently drop a COLD drink in his lap that might cool him off! lol
BTW thanks for sharing!
I don't actually deliver anything to the table, or he might be in real trouble...
ReplyDeleteWe make sandwiches at the counter and people take them to the tables themselves.
The thing is, I like talking to Norm. We have absolutely nothing in common, but he's always been fun to talk about the weather with, ya know? And now I can't do that any more.
How about telling him you appreciate the offer, but you've decided to play for the other team? On second thought, that may leave him more hot and bothered than usual. You could whisper to him that you had some serious "feminine issues" and needed to have it sewn up, so he's just out of luck. But also, like everyone else said...ewwww.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure a simple "No, thanks" will suffice, if uttered several times in quick succession.
ReplyDeleteAs if you would be ready for a bit of "howz-yur-father"?
ReplyDeleteSome men just have no idea. When you say "no thanks" make sure you give him that steely look that lasts just a second or two too long. He might be a bit horny but I think he is harmless.
Pity he had to bugger up the pleasantries, though.
I think he's harmless, too; just very clumsy, and out for whatever he can get.
ReplyDelete