"Bottom line, you need GOD in your life."
I dislike the thought of telling people what to say and what not to say, but the above (presented anonymously, of course) is not a helpful comment.
Helpful comments make me feel better.
I have no time for trolls, especially religious ones.
I NEED my husband. I need his warmth. I need his support. I need his conversation. I need his love.
Oops...! Can't have that, now, can I?
Then I really can't see that I NEED "God."
Hi Ronni:
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry your are hurting.
After reading through some of your past postings, I can't help but believe that when the time is right to rediscover your inner core, it will not be a rejection of Jim but rather a tribute to your strength of spirit and perserverence that I am sure Jim valued greatly.
Although I am unable to provide it, I also believe there is a third option to your life/love being a lie or you having bad judgement. I have confidence that time will reveal it to you in a manner you know to be true.
When life overwhelms us, sometimes compartmentalizing isn't enough to stem the burning flow of pain. It is at these times, a mental cautery iron is needed. I know, I know, tricky to find and even trickier to use. I know from experience how hard it is to accept the fact that there are more "whys" than there are answers. In fact, I don't think I have ever truly accepted it but have just learned to reframe the questions.
That said, I guess, in the end, there are no shortcuts to grief.
I wish you strength, peace & healing as you move through these very sad times one step at a time.
warm regards,
Kathy
PS: Your replies to the "anonymous advisors", especially in the very early days, showed a tolerance and a measure of grace that I certainly lack. So when I read your reply in your previous post, I was totally unprepared and snorted hot coffee through my nose. It felt good:)
Trolls need God to fill the holes where their soles and judgment should be.
ReplyDeleteBetty
Dear Anonymous Troll
ReplyDeleteLuke 6:37
Matt 7 16 & 20
Betty
For those of us without a handy Bible:
ReplyDeleteLuke 6:37
Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven
Matthew 7:16
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Matthew 7:20
Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
I apologize for being so rude. I just didn't sense a desire to help in that comment, and was not in a mood to put up with simplistic answers.
ReplyDeleteI mean, if I were a nun, I would not be in this mess in the first place, you know?
Ronni, you were not the one who was rude, dear.
ReplyDeleteAs CG and Nadine said before, we are all here for you and we all love you. I am kicking myself for not commenting more and letting you know that.
There is not any magic solution or salve or potion that will make you feel better or healed or transformed that I've ever heard of.
You are doing the best that you can by putting one foot in front of the other. That alone is something that takes tremendous willpower. It'd be a lot easier, I'm sure, to curl up and never leave the house.
Don't ever think that you're children don't need you anymore! I miss my mom every day, especially around the holidays, when all I think about is how much joy she would have found with Mia and Dexter. It breaks my heart that she never met Mia, she would have been over the moon.
I don't think grief necessarily gets easier, it just sneaks up on you in new and different ways and you get better at dealing with it. At least that was my experience, for what it's worth. While losing your parents is hard, it pales in comparison to losing a spouse.
Hi again, Ronni:
ReplyDeleteI truly don't feel you were rude. I didn't sense a great deal (read: any) of compassion in troll's "suggestion".
Sometimes, a knee-jerk reaction is the best we can muster.
Be gentle with yourself.
Hugs,
Kathy
Yes, what Lisa said. You were not the one being rude. I have no idea what kind of hell you're going through and no idea how to make it better. But if I could, I hope you know I would in a heartbeat. Love you, Ronni.
ReplyDeleteRonni, I agree with Lisa and Stacey. You're doing the best you know how, and that's all that matters. A little grief counselling couldn't hurt either. I know it helped me tremendously, and there are online groups as well.
ReplyDeleteI vividly remember several "well meaning" people suggesting in my time of grief that it was "all in God's plan".
I have nothing against other people's personal beliefs, as long as they don't try to force them on me. People that mindlessly spout things like that just irk the crap out of me.
Dear Ronni,
ReplyDeleteAs the recipient of many well meant comments from both my family and from annonymous posters, I sympathize with you. It just plain hurts/sucks/kills me on alternating days and I am so very sorry you have to do this too. It's just not right.
With regard to God (and I am a baptized Catholic well versed in the rules...er ways... of Christianity), you do/believe/think what you want to help you through. I remember sitting upstairs at the police dept. (that's where he had driven) with the chaplain. I was going crazy, screaming for my husband...my baby and he was patting my hand and saying things about "God's will","God's way", "not knowing what God has in store for us..." and I turned to him and said,"If this is an advertisement for God, I'm not buying right now..." Going through this, I don't know what I believe anymore. In the words of my Aunt Betty, whom I adore,"God needed him more than you did..." and I call Bullsh*t. I am sorry to take up so much of your comment space, but I'm just really mad that you had to deal with "well meaning", and I'm not so sure they are always well meant. I appreciate, so very much, your visit to my blog. It helps to know I am not so very alone in this.
Laura
Hang in there Ronni.
ReplyDeleteLaura, thanks for stopping by. Did I mention that your writing is wonderfully expressive?
ReplyDeleteWriting about it does help, in several different ways.
I admire your spirit. I'd be so torn up if my kids were still small. It has been difficult enough, especially for my teenager.
Hang in there. There has to be life after suicide.
Loved your response to the Anonymous bum-shiite, Ronni.
ReplyDeleteA coward, too. Oooh, shock, horror!
From a Christian? I don't think so, not a real one!
emm. good text )
ReplyDelete