Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Fisking Jim's Letter

"My health is deteriorating"

Well, what do you expect? You're at least 60 lbs overweight, you smoke three packs a day, and you drink too much.

"I am in constant pain, can't sleep for more than two hours at a time, and cannot stand it any longer."

You poor baby! Got a backache, do you? Well, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Half the world is in constant pain. Many people would be grateful for two hours of sleep. Ask any new mom. There are solutions for these complaints that don't involve bullets and blood.

"I see myself in the same medical condition as Mom and will not follow her path."

So when did you get a medical degree? Where was your internship? Your residency? You son of a bitch! You could AT LEAST have gone to a doctor and got tested for the things you feared, before going off and putting a bullet in your head!

"I'm sorry about the messes I leave at both home and at school."

Not sorry enough to clean them up, apparently.

"I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered with Mom and Dad. Ronni, you know where I mean."

Well, my mother used to say, "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." I am mad enough at you that, if I could afford it, I'd BURY your scrawny ass in a CEMETERY with a HEADSTONE. Just because I know you would hate that. But, I can't afford it, and I'll take any old excuse for a trip to that tree.

"I accepted God. I hope God accepts me."

You didn't "accept God." If you had accepted God, you would have submitted to his will and not put a bullet in your head. If the stories are true, God will either shunt you off to the hot place, for offing yourself, or it won't matter and you can spend all eternity hanging out with the Baptists in Heaven. Have fun.

"The rest of my life is a mess. All I lave left are my family possessions and no other place to preserve them."

Well, let me see. You had a wife who loves you, a stepson who looked up to you, a stepdaughter who you had promised to walk down the aisle next year, another who has suffered way too much loss, including a husband, two pretty cool grandsons, and a whole slew of students and former students who thought you were hot shit. You had friends and co-workers who liked and respected you. You had a decent job, which you loved.

Which part of this is the "mess?" Oh, yes. The "no other place to preserve them." You deliberately offed yourself, leaving me to clean this one up. I got news. It would have been a hell of a lot easier for you to fix the house problem when you were alive than it is for me to do it after you've offed yourself.

"How ironic that I should inherit a house with tax debts..."

The house would have not been riddled with debt if you had taken care of business when Mom died. No. You just sat. We lost the Pin Oak house, and the Dixie house because you wouldn't help me, or even answer my questions about how to keep up with these bills. The money you got from Mom? You bought a sports car. You didn't even check to see if she had mortgage insurance. You didn't even ask me to help, or tell me I needed to take over the bills, or anything. You just sat. And sat.

"I can't borrow against the house, because I have no insurance."

And who cancelled that? Yup. That would be you. But, that's not the real reason. You can't even face the real reason in your dying letter. The real reason you couldn't borrow against the house was that you never transferred the title to your name from Mom's, because you couldn't face the thought that she was dead. You could have borrowed money against your retirement funds. Ramona even told you you could use your retirement funds. You never even called to ask about it.

"Baby, you did your best. I'm sorry I didn't do better. I love you with all my heart."

You're damn right, I did my best! I sold my father's gold cuff links to pay the electric bill. You never knew that, did you? But, sell any of the Prior kitsch? Not happening. I'm sorry you didn't do better, too. And, to your last statement in that paragraph, I say, BULLSHIT! If you loved me with even a fraction of the devotion you lavished on all those bits of dead wood and silver and glass, you would have ditched the lot and stayed with me.

"I've finished what I was put here for; passing on what I could of what I have learned and created, hopefully something for the future."

Well, you didn't finish anything. You left me here by myself. You didn't care about the future, or you would have stayed to see it through.

"Please try to preserve my family heirlooms, especially the portraits, for PW. If he doesn't want them, and (you) can't keep them, try to donate them to a museum. At least someone can appreciate their heritage if not their history."

What am I, chopped liver? PW doesn't want that stuff. He wants the desk because it was his dad's at some point. He wants the Coca-Cola memorabilia. What do you think he's going to do with it? Sell it, that's what! This whole paragraph doesn't make a bit of sense. I can appreciate the history of these things your family has kept for over 150 years. So could people who might be looking for just these very items to furnish their old Civil War mansion. And looking to pay a pretty penny for them. If you wanted them to be given away, you should have taken care of that before this. When we moved in here, I asked you if you would consider giving the box grand to a museum. You were adamantly against that idea. Nope. Just put a bullet in your head. Ronni will take care of it.

"Please take care of the cats, especially poor Quinn. Find good homes if you can't keep them."

Yeah. You left me with what you thought was going to be about two weeks of having a roof over my head. Did you tell me about that? No. You left your dead mother on as beneficiary of your life insurance and retirement funds. We had been married over seven years, and she had been dead for four. You never even told me you had a retirement fund or life insurance.

"It seems everyone wants a piece of me but I have nothing more to give."

Apparently not.

Jim Prior, you lived a life many would envy, but it wasn't good enough for you. In order for you to enjoy life, you had to avoid the pain of aging, avoid doctors and be wealthy.

You may have lived well, but you died a fucking coward.

14 comments:

  1. Ronni, bless your heart. I won't even repeat what I told my daughter I would have done were I left in the same situation. ((((hugs))))

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  2. I'll tell you one thing for nothing, you have got the right attitude about this. Bang on target!

    You would have been better off without that 'suicide letter', IMHO. Rather be left wondering....&%$£@!!

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  3. That's an interesting exercise, Mgt. I shall have to think about that one.

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  4. Here I am apologising for being insensitive, again!
    Sorry, Ronni.

    Not having had anyone to 'love' for a long, long time has made me hard and cold.

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  5. Mgt, you are not being insensitive. i was feeling somewhat hard and cold when I wrote that.

    Tracie sent me an email in which, among other things, she said I might hear Woulda Coulda Shoulda hanging behind my shoulder, whispering things I can't quite hear.

    I wish I could write like she does. Isn't that a cool metaphor?

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  6. This is a very good fisk. It tells me that you are processing your thoughts and feelings. Only through this process will you find inner peace and clarity about yourself and situation.

    Just keep writing. You're doing good.

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  7. So true, I'm sure. You emotional swings must be dealing you a few body blows. It is hard to imagine, how tough it must be.

    You certainly must have love Jim to distraction. Sounds like he was a complex man, and terribly stubborn. Wish I could wave a magic wand and make you all better.

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  8. Monica, it felt good. It's funny how things hit. I've been thinking about that letter ever since the police game it to me.

    Mgt, I'd take stock in that magic wand if you had it! LOL!

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  9. Now, you see! Monica is so eloquent.

    Off to see JK Rowling about that wand. LOL. I know she lives in Scotland, somewhere.

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  10. This is very courageous of you, sharing the contents of Jim's letter.

    I could see myself focusing for months on a letter like that, and feeling extremely frustrated not being able to respond.

    When I read you feelings about this, it is how I would imagine I would feel in the same situation. Livid, furious, enraged, incensed etc. Actually, I may be being a bit presumptuous, here.

    The urge to hit back would be very strong in me.

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  11. That sucks, Ronni. The whole thing just sucks. Jim's suicide, his letter, your being stuck with all this. You talk about me facing cancer with grace, well I see you as a lady who will survive too. You aren't the type to do what Jim did and give up. Keep fighting. You will get yourself and your family through this by sheer force of will. Good for you!

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  12. You said what needed to be said and he had it coming.

    You remain in my thoughts every day.

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  13. As your other posters have said, this is a very good fisk. I keep you in my prayers and wish the best for you and your family. God bless you!

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  14. It had to come Ronni, get it all out.

    I had a phone call from a girlfriend this morning to tell me that her nieces husband had committed suicide, he tried to strangle her the week before in front of their two toddlers, she survived and is in hospital. He was charged with assault, and suppose to appear in court, the doctor put him into hospital, they let him come out for a day to attend to some financial matters, he went and organised to put their home on the market and told the real-estate agent to meet him at 3 0'clock, when the poor woman arrived for the meeting, he had hung himself, from the top of the staircase.

    He had changed his will two weeks before and left everything to his children.

    At this stage they think this yong girl has brain damage.

    Suicide is the most selfish act.

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