I keep seeing him
Out of the corner of my eye
In places where he used to be.
At Thundercloud
At the park
At school...
I wanted to sit in the school parking lot tonight
But I couldn't
Because there were a lot of people there
And somebody was in his parking spot.
I think there was a game.
No place for me.
I'm sending you a cyber hug. Wish it would help but that only comes with time. Until then, feel the feelings. Much love.
ReplyDeleteAfter mom died her husband said he could her calling him in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeleteMy experience was that I dreamed of her, as an alien, herself and historical figures. It was disturbing but comforting.
When dad died, one of dad's friends told me of strange hang up phone calls they receieved and that caller ID showed only a city in TN. Where he grew up and is buried.
I still see shadows, 10 and 2 years later. Something will be there and gone, in a flash. I'll grab my eyeglasses to check it out. Nothing.
Is it them, I don't know. No one will till.....
Please take care of us yourself first.
My heart breaks for you, Ronni. This is still so raw for you. I am glad you are still managing to write it all down and not withdrawing and bottling it up.
ReplyDeletexx
Ronni~
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog since Steve Huff did an article on his blog that included yours. I want you to know it does get easier. My father shot himself in front of me when I was 10. I never thought I would quit reliving it, but it is true what they say, Time heals. Keep your friends close, have someone you can call on at any time of the day, even if its just to cry, it will help. Hang in there, I am praying for you
Everyone may think this is really far out, but my husband (who shot himself 5 years ago) often said he would like to come back as a hawk. We all laughed because he was always cold and it cannot be warm flying around as a hawk looking for prey.
ReplyDeleteWell, there were many sightings/incidents in the first few years that really shook everyone in the family. Hawks would appear in odd places many times and once one flew within 15 feet of my grandson and I while talking near my garage. I had never seen one here before and it was startling to say the least.
Lately, we have not seen him so assume he has moved on.
You can believe me or not, but I have read where mamy times birds are used as a way to "communicate".
Vero, it WILL get easier, but for a time you will go through these intense feelings a lot. Keep busy! Spend time with your friends and family, work on the house - anything.
Your entire world has been turned upside down and inside out. If you didn't feel this way, it would be strange.
ReplyDeleteListen to others who have been in this situation. I can imagine your pain but they know.
Again, I am pulling for you and I know that you will make it in your own time.
My mom died in '99 and still, I find myself thinking, "Oh, I've got to her call her about this!" About silly jokes, stuff on the news, a good book I want to share with her. She's still very much with me.
ReplyDeleteJim always used to pick up pennies. I've found several since he died, and I rarely do.
ReplyDeleteronni,
ReplyDeletei send you a cyber hug too.
i thought that i saw jim on the street in my city the day after he passed over.
i'm sorry for your loss, tiffany.
what a tragic thing for you to have to have witnessed.
and jo ann,
native americans believe that birds , especially crows, are messengers from the spirit world. they are able to fly back and forth between the 2 worlds
sometimes, my mother appears as a bird and stares inside our windows.
it is a bird that looks like she is wearing a pink feather boa.
the same bird has also been to my sister's window and to my mother's friend's house who lives nearby.
Ronni,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you have this outlet to speak your heart.
I think Jim will always be with you. He loved you so much. Death cannot stop that.
When Carissa died, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere anymore either. All I wanted to do was lay down on top of her grave and not leave her. Places felt familiar, but strangely disjointed and out-of-step at the same time.
You are not alone, dear lady. So many people are loving you!!
xoxox
Ronni, when Sharon died a friend told me a story of finding coins on her father's grave stone and several penny stories.
ReplyDeleteThat afternoon I had to go with Rick to the funeral home to make arrangements for Sharon. At one point I had to get into Sharon's wallet for her SS card and DL and a penny rolled out onto the desk and did a circle in front of me.
It wasn't there 2 days before when I had to show her DL to the coroner's office.
I can't tell you the number of times I find pennys in the oddest places in my home, next to my car, etc. and I always take it as Sharon saying hello.
Of course you see him! I believe those who have crossed over can and do come to us at times. It happened for me in a dream when my parents and brother passed. They sat there and talked to me. It was if they were in the same room.
ReplyDeleteA friend with whom I worked had colon cancer. She continued to work as long as she could knowing that it was incurable. They gave her 3 months, she took 2+ years. We talked about dying and I told her to send me a sign. One day when we first moved to NH all of a sudden none of the faucets in the house would work. Water just would not come out. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was just so strange. A few hours later I got an email that Joan had passed earlier that day. I believe that was her sign.
Sylvia Browne talks about pennies being left by those who have crossed over.
When you see him, just acknowledge he's there. He's still with you.
~hugs~
ronni, I am truly sorry if you have not heard from Retta. I have recently red her the riot ack. There is no excuse for her not responding unless she is dead. And I mean it. I will not let this go.
ReplyDeleteI heard from Retta, but she referred me to a lady that just gave me the same referrals that I already got from United Way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for trying, though...I really do appreciate it.
Ronni, I'm sending you a hug across the miles. After my high school sweetheart died I used to hear his voice in public places and I turned to look for him every time. I dreamed of him constantly and it became a source of comfort. Eventually, it felt less raw but the experience gave me a whole new depth of emotion.
ReplyDeleteHang in there gal. You just do whatever you need to do to get through and know that you're surrounded by love and care.