Monday, September 17, 2007

2,624 Days

Technically, it was 2,625, but, as he shot himself at 2:30 in the morning, it's hard to count that two and a half hours as a day.

Two thousand, six hundred and twenty-four days married to the man I had loved for fifteen years before that magic day in 2000. Am I selfish to have wanted more? A lot of people go through their whole lives without hearing, "Will you marry me?" from the person they love. A lot of people go through their whole lives without loving anyone the way I love Jim.

So, I guess I've been lucky, huh?

So why am I crying?

12 comments:

  1. Possum, the US Mail has come through. Thank you so much!

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  2. ronni,

    there are so many people who love you.

    we can't take jim's place but we can try to help you get through this heartache.

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  3. Ronni,

    That you are doing as well as you are (and I know that you feel horrible, but still) given the circumstances its a merit to you.

    I only met you once, but I liked you then and still do now.

    We are here for you.

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  4. Ronni,
    I am so happy that it arrived, and the young girl at
    my post office assured me that it would.

    Hang in there baby, and cry and cry as much as you need to, no point holding anything in. Just let it go.

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  5. Ronni, I've been reading your blog because I saw the support that you have given to Marsha through this trying time of hers. I just want to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I wish there was more anyone could do, but there just isn't, and that really sucks!

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  6. Joan Rivers husband, Edgar, committed suicide. Joan wrote a book about it, "Bouncing Back." Maybe the story of someone who's come through it might be of comfort to you.

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  7. Ronni, You are crying because you are grieving. "To experience grief is the result of having loved." (from the http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com web site). There is an SOS group in Austin. Here is their web site: http://www.sos-austin.com. It might be very helpful to talk with others who've suffered a similar loss.

    It is possible to heal, but it will take time. Some days are better than others. Some days you just muddle through. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. You are holding up remarkably well, it sounds like. Getting things done. You can make time for yourself to just be sad. For as long as it takes. And keep writing. It helps.

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  8. Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I have an appointment with a grief counsellor on Saturday, and will certainly look into the SOS group, and the Joan Rivers book.

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  9. Some of us will go through life and never have the person we love in our lives, Ronni. Unfortunately, with great love comes great pain.

    You need to work your way through this at your own pace, Ronni. Sadly, none of us can do that for you. Just know that we are here for you, whatever.

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  10. You're doing everything you need to do, Ronni, and that's a good thing. It's going to take as long as it takes and there will be both good and bad days.

    The love you share with Jim is something precious and you will cherish it the rest of your life.

    No, you are not selfish at all.

    Still keeping good thoughts for you.

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  11. Call me if you need anything. I keep my phone next to the bed and I'm a couple of blocks away. I love you, Mom, and like I told you before ... we've gotten through every other crappy thing so far, and we'll get through this one, too. Together.

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  12. Nessa, you rock. I love you, too...

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