A delegation from Cedar Valley Middle School brought me this wreath, festooned with such moving messages that I have yet to read them all. Here's a sample.
"You taught me to be myself and to use my imagination and never doubt myself. We will all love and miss Mr. Prior. R I P"
"Psh, yeah. Pretty much the coolest cat ever. I'll see you."
"I will never forget how much you pushed me to do better and how I always succeeded. I will always miss you!"
"Mr. Prior, You were the person who had faith in me when I had no faith in myself. You gave me my voice and for that I am indebted."
I am back to being angry. How could he let these kids down like this?
Beautiful JT hang in there you have the right to be angry. The Gaggle is keeping you and your family in pray we love ya girl............Breeze
ReplyDeleteRonni, Lilo sent me an e-mail about your husband's passing tonight. My brother David committed suicide by gunshot sometime between 2 and 3 in the morning on August 20, 2000.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say to you in part because I know that words are inadequate right now. I am praying for you and your family.
Steve
Steve, that is just spooky. I am sorry...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your prayers and kind thoughts. It helps.
Its still so hard to believe that Jim is actually gone! I have to keep coming back to your blog to make sure it wasn't a horrible dream. More like a nightmare for you, I'm sure! We send all of our love and prayers!
ReplyDeleteMaureen
I wish it were a horrible dream...
ReplyDeleteRonni, I can understand your anger at Jim not being there for you and the young people that he taught. Having read all that has been written about him, by you and others, I can see that he was a very special sort of man and a terrible loss for you, your family and an entire community.
ReplyDeletePutting a note on the wreath did it for me at the tribute. I had hung on strong until I attached my note and then I just started to cry. I only had Mr.Prior for a year of theater but I felt so close to him.
ReplyDeleteI am a senior now and had planned on going back to Cedar Valley and seeing him again these past years but it just never happened. This is what really struck me bad cause I could have easily spent more time with him than I did. I live just over a mile from the school and could have easily biked up there one day just to stop in and chat.
I am not angry at Mr.Prior. I have never felt that he has let me down in any way. I am not going to judge a man for his last couple months on Earth. I am more angry at myself for not going to see him while he was alive. I am not beating my self up over this, so don't worry. It is just unfortunate.
I am sorry for your loss. Prayers all around.
Matt B.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through reading your Helium article about King Arthur.
It was quite a funny read. I've never ever heard an Arthurian legend summed up quite so. :) It was very humorous. Well done!
Keep writing!!
Thank you, Matt. That means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteAlexy, I'm sorry you have come in at a sad time. I loved writing the King Arthur piece, and life will get funnier around here one day soon, I promise.
I will go back and read some of that King Arthur again. Thanks for the reminder.
Nelly, he was very special. It's hard to know what to do when love is not enough.
Good morning, Ronni. How very sweet that the kids put together that wreath for Jim and you.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine the myriad of emotions you must be going through on a daily basis. Just keep writing about them. And expressing them.
I meant to tell you earlier...
Make sure you get out into the sunshine a little each day, and also, turn on some of your favorite music.
It's important to stimulate yourself in a positive fashion just a little each day, even if you don't feel like it.
Thinking about you constantly, friend.
My mom is the one who Jim gave the swimming pool ya'll used to have to. And for the past week I have not been able to even look at it. Not because it makes me mad but because it reminds me of him and then i start thinking of all the great things he did. Then being pregnant and emotional, I cry.
ReplyDeleteI want to be mad and I don't blame you for being, but I was thinking maybe Jim didn't know. I mean you said how could he let these students down but I don't think he realized how much he meant to everyone.
We all need to focus on how to keep his memory alive, he touched so many people and he can continue to do so through those that he already touched. When my daughter asks why I joined theater I will be able to tell her about a great man that inspired me to believe in myself when I didn't. We all need to do our part, I know I will continue to do mine.
Ronni you are blessed with many people who care about and love you, and you continue to gain even more everyday. Keep them close to your heart in this difficult time.
~Chelsi~
P.S. Don't forget to remember the good times.
I can offer this, and it might be premature -- it is natural to be angry with a suicide.
ReplyDeleteWhile mine has never been the most huggy, in-your-business kind of family, we love each other, and I loved my brother -- but I was mad at him for what he did, too. In my case, I was mad in part for my parents' sake. Had I been able to slug him and say "look what you put them through," I would have. (Following the slug, he would have kicked my butt all over the place, of course, since he was older and the person who taught me everything I knew about fighting, but at least I would have gotten a lick in.)
But that didn't change the fact that I loved my brother and miss him still. Anger is a natural part of one's reaction to a suicide, and as time passes, the anger loses potency, and the love remains.
At this point, you just keep going, Ronni. Take care.
Steve
Way Cool Steve,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for that. I am still a basket case, and am content to let myself come back at my own pace.
I'd like to get in one major slug at my husband! I swear, he would feel it all the way to the promised land!
Chelsi, thanks. I appreciate your afvice, and I know that is what we all must do.
ReplyDeleteMonica, I am doing that. One of my first priorities is to sell a couple of things on Craig's List, that are totally in my way, so I can start to get organized.
Of course, I just opened up a door on the F85 and got stung by a red wasp who thinks it's his.
Some days, you just can't win.
One day at a time. I'm thinking of you often.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Ronni.
Thanks, Nadine!
ReplyDeleteYou're wonderful!
I have tried to post here for days, but for some reason none go through.
ReplyDeleteKnow that I think of you and what you are going through - every day.
I have told you that I had the same experience and it is one that will get better as the days go on, but it will always be on your mind one way or another. Just not as traumatic as in the beginning.
The outpouring of love and support from your family and many friends -and Jim's - will go a long way in helping you through this.
You are in my thoughts Vero.
Thanks, Jo Ann! That means a lot...How do you get over the "shouldas?"
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it is true, but supposedly when a person seriously decides to end their life there really isn't anything we could have done to change their mind.
ReplyDeleteWhen they reach the stage where the decision has been made, they are actually relieved because they know their pain will soon be over.
You cannot blame yourself - I know I did for a long time. But, there are choices in this life although who knows if someone in such obvious pain could have made another choice that was not so tragic, permanent and disastrous to those left behind. We will never know.
My heart goes out to you.
Today is going to be hard for me when I go to school and I dont have Mr. Prior but please don't be mad at him. I am not mad at him. My mom explained it to me and I believe his pain was to much for him and now he isn't in pain anymore. When I was in 6th grade I thought theater was for geeks or kids who couldn't do sports. He taught me I was wrong that even jocks can love theater. I play football but I love theater to. Mr. Prior taught me to have faith in myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. He told me at the end of last year that I had grown so much since he had first met me in 6th grade and he knew that my 8th grade year with him would be fantastic. When I got in trouble for falling asleep in the shed and missed 3 classes after his he was the only one who understood and was not mad at me and he still trusted me to go help in the shed again. He saw something in me other teachers didn't. I am going to do everything this year in theater even better then my best and I am going to make him proud of me. I believe he will know. He will always have a special place in my heart. I am going to get ready for school now and even though Mr Prior isn't there in person his memory and spirit will be there forever.
ReplyDeleteDevon