On Getting Old

Tomorrow, I will be 58.

When I was a child, I would think about how old I would be in the year 2000. When I realized I would be 51 that year, I was amazed! I could not imagine what I would be like, or what life would be like. I lived to be grown up and out of the house. I had no other ambition. I had no picture of how I would look, what I would do, whether or not I would be married, or what kind of work I should train for.

I just wanted some control over my life, and, as far as I could see, growing up was the only way to get it.

After all, grownups had some sort of magic. All they had to say was, "Let's pack it all in and go back to Canada," and--BOOM!--it was done.

Of course, apart from wondering why my father got paid in celery, I had no thought for money and survival.

I left home to go to college, and never really went back. I was out of there, and that was what counted. Not that my parents were cruel, or abusive, or anything like that; they weren't. They just had control over everything I did.

Of course, I didn't stay in college. Not knowing what I wanted to do sort of limited my interest in education. I drifted. I drifted from Vancouver to Toronto. I drifted into a marriage. I drifted back to Vancouver, into secretarial school, out of the marriage, and into the U.S. With a new husband, I drifted to Chicago, Houston and Austin, where SSS and I started a family. Suddenly, a moment of purpose. Austin was too big and noisy for babies, in our opinion, so we moved out of town. Eventually, SSS got a good job in Round Rock, so we moved here.

I still didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up, but being a mother and wife was enough, for a time.

Of course, the "wife" thing only works when the "husband" thing does, so, eventually, I had to decide to do something that earned some money. The "mother" thing was still with me.

My secretarial skills were completely outdated by the time I got back into the work force, so I cleaned houses. Cleaning is never outdated. From there, I went from factory jobs to food service.

My theater hobby was ongoing through my years in Round Rock, and, recently, it has landed me the best job I have ever had. Building theater costumes. Of course, this job is still part-time, but food service takes up the slack.

I also fell in love, and married my best friend in that magical year of 2000.

I have to wonder why it took so very long to get it right.

My mother used to say that, for some reason, I had to do everything the hard way. I guess she was right about that, as she was about so many things.

Tomorrow, I will be 58.