Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Controlling Man

Some of my information on controlling SOs comes from SSS and some from the Infamous Jude.

Two very different styles of behaviour, one object. Control.

They had certain things in common, but SSS was much smarter and more subtle than the Infamous Jude.

SSS seduced me with great sex and the appearance of understanding. He went out of his way to make me believe he was my soul mate. Once I was convinced that he was, it took a lot to change my mind. When the facade started to crack, I thought he was kidding; joking around with me because we both knew that he couldn't possibly really believe that women were bad drivers, or that sex was the answer to every argument.

Could he?

It was a nasty shock to find out that he could, indeed believe that, and a lot more, besides.

Jude, on the other hand, informed me of the "rules" as soon as we started to share our lives. Again, I thought he was kidding. Not allowed to have anyone in the house when he was out? Having to account for every second of my time when we were not together? Not for real!

But he was.

The bottom line really is that you must give yourself time in a relationship. Time to explore, time to see your potential mate in all sorts of circumstances, time to see the real person behind the facade he puts up to reel you in. Time to get to know him. Often, the controlling man will not want to give you that time. bowling you over with gifts and protestations of love, he tries to get you to commit to marriage, engagement, living together; sometimes within weeks of starting to date.

This should set off the biggest alarm. Red flags, air horns, cowbells. Don't fall for it.

Don't be in a huge hurry to change your life.

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