It's hard to believe it's been eight years since Jim died. He has now been gone for a year more than we were married.
It has got easier, over the years, but I am still filled with sadness. The rage has pretty much dissipated, but the guilt and sorrow remain.
I still find myself looking for ways I might have been responsible. I know...I know...but still...if I could have got the house back the way Addy had it...if I had realized how bad he was feeling...if I had known more about depression...etc, etc.
One thing is for sure--if I had known that the last time we made love would have been the last time ever, I'd have put a bit more effort into it.
So, a word of advice to all you couples out there...make love every time like it's the last time, because it just might be.
Sage advice.
ReplyDeleteI thought about you this week. I noticed that your last post on Jim's death was on the 8th anniversary. I stopped posting at 8 years also, even though I am one year ahead of you. My friend, Jim died by his own choice On August 20, 2006. Life has moved on. Please know that I think of you often. Thank you for your posts which offered such insight regarding the pain and loss and life adjustment struggle while I was wrestling with the grief that you indeed felt too.
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