The Texas Men

A few days ago, I wrote a bit about the ladies of Central Texas. I've been asked to say a bit about the men.

The Wealthy Retirees

They are retired professionals. They spend their days on the tennis court and golf course. They work out in their spare time. They are tanned, fit, healthy, and don't eat mayonnaise. They wear polo shirts and pleated shorts. Their jewelry is gold and tasteful, probably chosen by their wives. Their car is either a small sports car or the biggest and most luxurious SUV available. We're talking Lincolns and Cadillacs, here.

The Good Ole Boys

They've run to fat, a bit. They still buy the fallacy that a bit of weight looks good on an older man. Some of them wear toupees. When they dress up, it's a sports jacket, western shirt, new blue jeans and cowboy boots. They smoke cigars. Their jewelry runs to gold nugget rings and big silver belt buckles. They drive big shiny pickup trucks. They Buy American.

The Hill Country Man

He's got a beer gut extraordinaire. The first thing he puts on when he wakes up in the morning is his gimme hat (baseball cap). He wears ragged tee shirts, and puts on clean jeans once a week whether he needs to or not. He tears the sleeves out of all his shirts to display his tattoos. His wife cuts his hair with kitchen shears. He has sideburns, not because they are fashionable, but because what was good enough for Elvis is good enough for him. He's missing some teeth in the front. If he has a motto it's, "If they ain't got it at Walmart, ya don't need it!" He drives a truck with a couple of windows gone and plastic taped over the holes, and the windshield cracked. He can tell you the history of every dent on it, as it belonged to three or four of his relatives before he got it.

The Old Hippies

They have long hair. It may be grey, and gone on the top, but, by God, they've managed to grow it for 30 years. They usually have beards. They've kept fairly trim, but not as slender as they used to be. They might drink a little wine, but they do try and avoid stuff they perceive to be bad for them. They are, in a word, snobs. Their shirts are cotton and sometimes vintage. They prefer to wear jeans or corduroy slacks. Their shoes are brown leather and well broken in. They drive small, older cars that get good gas mileage. Or motorcycles.