So Here We Are

Five years.  Five fucking long years that I have totally screwed up.  Five years during which Jim's estate has dwindled down to a pittance that his brother is about to get.  Not that life with Jim was the stuff of fiscal legend, but we did manage to keep a roof over our heads.

One screw-up after another, and here I am.  Lost, lonely, broke and thinking of changing my name.

But, I have to admit, I have survived.

Today, if I could afford a tank of gas, I'd drive as far as I could and still get back in time for rehearsal tonight.  But, I can't, so I won't and there's an end to it.

Which is probably what I should say about this whole process.  If the best I can say is that I have survived, that will have to do, for now.

I've done a lot of things since, especially in theater.  That's a good thing.  I have got a raise at work, and that's good, too.  I have found myself attracted to a man, which is good in theory, but not so much in real life.  I have also decided not to reenter the relationship game.  At my age it's just too much trouble.

Catch The Wind
Donovan Leitch

In the chilly hours and minutes
Of uncertainty
I want to be
In the warm hold of your loving mind.

To feel you all around me
And to take your hand
Along the sand,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky
I want to hide a while
Behind your smile,
And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.

For me to love you now
Would be the sweetest thing,
'T would make me sing,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears
I want you near to kill my fears,
To help me to leave all my blues behind.

For standing in your heart
Is where I want to be
And long to be,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.