Dearly Beloved, every time I send a link to this blog out to a potential new reader, I go back and read a few random entries. This time, I read some of the stuff I wrote when directing "Waiting for Godot." I realized that I have not been suffering from "writers' block" so much as from laziness. I have just not been taking the time to organize thoughts and write them down.
I am a berry berry bad blogger.
Things have been happening. On Friday the 13th, "The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds" opens at the Dougherty Arts Center. Produced by Austin Theatre Project, the show is going to be all sorts of wonderful! I am playing Nanny, the old woman Beatrice keeps in the back room. I have discovered during the rehearsals that I had no idea of what this play is really about, despite having seen it several times. I was accused in high school of reading things superficially, and I guess that has extended to the way I see things, also. The more we rehearse this, the more it means to me. Never mind that, in all my years of theater, I have never worked as an actor in Austin. I actually feel out of my depth, but all cast and crew members have been very kind, and I do feel that I am contributing to the story.
Another point: the audition fell on June 11th, which was my wedding anniversary. The date has been problematic and emotional for me ever since Jim's death, but this year it passed without my even remembering its significance. I was too "et up" with terror at the prospect of an audition across the Great Divide that is the Travis/Williamson county line. I actually felt a bit guilty about forgetting. I see it as a positive sign that life does, indeed, go on. The reality of Jim is fading, not from memory, but from day-to-day life. It is a sign that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting larger and closer.
I have also lost a bit of weight. Not enough to satisfy me, but a noticeable amount. This, too, is a positive thing.
I have two exciting theater projects for next season. I will actually be directing a show in Austin in February. A cast in search of a director asked me to direct "Frankie and Johnny in the Clare de Lune," and their producer has rented the City Theater for the show. The play is a gritty romance between two people who are not young, not rich and not gorgeous. Their love is not bestrewn with roses and unicorns and fluffy hearts. I have loved it ever since I saw the movie--"Frankie and Johnny," which starred Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer. My cast consists of Summer Bryant and Ben Weaver, and we are going to kick ass. Warning (or advertisement): there will be nudity.
The second challenge is one that has been dear to my heart for a couple of years, "Death and the Maiden." It will go up in the Spotlight slot at Sam Bass. So, end of May, beginning of June, I think. I have not yet actually looked at the calendar, but will keep you posted. This, too, was a movie, with Sigourny Weaver and Ben Kingsley. Everyone usually forgets who plays the husband in it, but they won't, after this! I saw the play done in Austin a few years ago, and it was not plumbed to its depths, in my humble opinion. In my humble opinion, it needs to be tackled by an angry older woman who knows a thing or two about rape. In my humble opinion, I am she. I have a strong cast in mind. I can't tell you who until I have affirmatives from the actors, but soon...
So. That's what I'm up to. How about you?
I was also raped (as a child of 13) I dont trust not so much since then.
ReplyDeleteI have also lost weight. I was a size ONE when guys thought I was hot. That's messed up. At a size 8 now, my own mother calls me chubby (even though she is a 14) When I was a size 1 she called me too skinny, now that I am an 8 she calls me chubby. She never called me normal when I was in between. I must have been a normal size in between. She has lost a lot of weight, now she compares us. Even though she is a a size 12. How fucked is THAT!
From what you've told me, I don't think I like your mother. Even after we're grown, we need our mothers to be supportive, and not cut us down.
ReplyDeleteI love her. She has her good points too. She just likes to cut people down. She does love me. But i can never be what she wants.
ReplyDeleteFor example, she has always thought that I should have super straight hair, she used to compare me to models.
I can get my hair straight now, but she doesnt like it now. She says that I look better with my curly hair.
She doesnt mean to be mean. She just wants perfection. But on the other hand, she has always been there for me. Even though she has made me basket case about how I look. I dont even know she even knows that she cuts me down.
My parents never knew, though they did it quite a bit.
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