Monday, May 07, 2012

Things on the Interwebs that Amuse Me

Somebody posted this link on Facebook:  I read it and thought, "Really?"  I just had to comment on these "tips" from my slacker-mom perspective.

1)  Oh, yes.  Just what I always wanted to do.  Make strawberry beads.

2)  Why waste a perfectly good walnut?  Scratches and dings give your furniture character.

3)  Crayon masterpieces only enhance the TV picture.

4)  You're supposed to cut apples for your kids?  Who knew?  Besides, isn't that what Twinkins are for?

5)  Bed linen comes in sets?  With matching pillowcases?  Where have I been?

6)  I spent my life trying to get them to turn that shit down, not make it louder.  You want louder, get earbuds.

7)  Or use plastic bags to store wet-wipes containers.  Either way.

8)  (Gawps in astonishment)  You take your baby to the beach?  Isn't that child abuse?

9)  The velcro always pulls the sheetrock off when you hang the kid on it.

10)  Maybe, if you have tall people in your life to get them down for you.

11)  But sifting through the dust bag for your sapphires is so much fun.

12)  The only place I carry cupcakes is from the plate to my mouth.

13)  I just take sheets out of the dryer and put them back on the bed.  Fold them?  Pah!

14)  Bobby pins?  They still make those?

15)  That's why the lord invented grocery bags.

16)  Craft supplies?  What's that?

17)  Cord labels?  But isn't half the fun just unplugging things to see what goes off?

18)  OK, there are two things wrong with this.  First, it's not fair to let your kids think they're getting ice cream when it's really cake, and second, it's hard to squish those HEB cupcakes into the cones.

19)  If you're going to do that, you might as well do it on the stove.  In a saucepan.  Skip the middleman.

20)  You only really need two spray bottles.  Glass cleaner and 409.  No need for a pressure rod.

21)  Eggs are round.  Heartshaped eggs are just gross.  Going through that much effort to make them so is nuts.

22)  What?  Are you running for Mother of the Year, here?  That's why there are ice cream cones.  That's twice now that you have confused ice cream with baked goods.  I'm beginning to wonder about your judgment.

23)  Not so soothing when your hubby pours vodka over them and takes a swig.

24)  Great.  Now I can have dead things all over my walls instead of just in flower beds.

25)  Aren't christmas ornaments supposed to be disposable?  My cats think so.  Just throw those suckers in the box, and use the ones that survive next year.

Seriously, folks.  Quit sweating the small shit.

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