For three years, I've been putting one foot in front of the other and surviving.
I have stayed off the cigarette wagon, which I consider a major victory. I am, however, 50 lbs overweight. It would take a lot of energy to lose those pounds. Sometimes I want to, but the thought of all that exercise is daunting.
Sometime in the past three years, I began to look old. I suppose that would have happened anyway, but the tears I have cried haven't helped.
I've kept busy. That first play I did after Jim died, I had to be talked into. "Shakespeare in Hollywood" was a life saver! Thanks, Lynn! I've worked on half a dozen or more shows in the past three years. I've faced theater challenges I never thought I would, such as directing "Godot," and singing a bit in a musical...
I've gone to parties. I've taken long drives. I've learned to go out to dinner alone.
I've been sad, angry, bored, terrified...but also satisfied, triumphant and, frequently, happy.
I guess that when the positive feelings outweigh the negative, that will be as good as it gets.
If it has taken three years to get this far, my life may not be long enough to completely recover. So, that may not be the prize I should keep my eye on. However, this plodding pace is really getting my goat.
As sung by Sugarland, "I need a little less hard times; I need a little more bliss." Is "bliss" really a thing of the past, to be consigned to nostalgic memory?
I suppose I shall have to wait and see.