Friday, August 20, 2010

Life Has To Go On

Three years!

For three years, I've been putting one foot in front of the other and surviving.

I have stayed off the cigarette wagon, which I consider a major victory. I am, however, 50 lbs overweight. It would take a lot of energy to lose those pounds. Sometimes I want to, but the thought of all that exercise is daunting.

Sometime in the past three years, I began to look old. I suppose that would have happened anyway, but the tears I have cried haven't helped.

I've kept busy. That first play I did after Jim died, I had to be talked into. "Shakespeare in Hollywood" was a life saver! Thanks, Lynn! I've worked on half a dozen or more shows in the past three years. I've faced theater challenges I never thought I would, such as directing "Godot," and singing a bit in a musical...

I've gone to parties. I've taken long drives. I've learned to go out to dinner alone.

I've been sad, angry, bored, terrified...but also satisfied, triumphant and, frequently, happy.

I guess that when the positive feelings outweigh the negative, that will be as good as it gets.

If it has taken three years to get this far, my life may not be long enough to completely recover. So, that may not be the prize I should keep my eye on. However, this plodding pace is really getting my goat.

As sung by Sugarland, "I need a little less hard times; I need a little more bliss." Is "bliss" really a thing of the past, to be consigned to nostalgic memory?

I suppose I shall have to wait and see.


  1. Ronni, you'll be in my thoughts today. I'm so sorry. :hugs: --Julie

  2. I think the closest thing to bliss I've found is some red wine, a little chocolate, and a long quiet look at the stars. That helps me sometimes.

    I wish I could make you feel better.

  3. Thanks, Julie and Nadine! Friends helps. A lot.

  4. Ronni - I only know you through your online presence but I still feel that I know you well enough to say that you are one of the bravest, most courageous and honest people that I know.

    Keep on keeping on.

  5. I have an idea... and my feelings won't be hurt if you don't want to try this, but I have to suggest it anyway.

    Check out square dancing. :) It is exercise and friendship making all in one. And it's dog-goned fun! Lots of clubs offer lessons starting after labor day. And most don't require a partner.

    If you lived closer I would come over for tea and give you a hug.


  6. Nelly, wow! Thank you. I do my best...Stella, the problem with any evening function is that it interferes with theater...

  7. Ronni, you're beautiful inside and out. I'll never forget the first time I saw you across Brazos Street. That smile of yours. My friend, my friend.

    Life deals us some hands that are hard to play. It reminds me of ocean swimming. Sometimes you'll get caught in a current that wants to pull you out to sea. Instinctually you want to fight it, but the trick is to swim parallel to shore until you get to calmer waters. One is never the same for the experience.

    I'm thinking of you, gal, sending hugs across the miles and wishing you bliss. You deserve that and so much more. xoxo

  8. You are one of the strongest women I know.

  9. So sorry Ronni. You're in my thoughts. And I totally understand where you are emotionally. If that square dancing thing doesn't work, there's always ballroom - I have a liking for tango these days...