Eight years ago tomorrow, Jim and I stood before a JP on Wedding Island on the San Antonio River Walk and pledged vows of love and care and cherishing until death do us part.
Death parted us last August.
I wasn't ready to let go. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to let go. He was the love of my life. I didn't meet him until I was 35, and loved him from afar for 13 years, while I tried to get on with my life, because there is no point in pining away for a married man. In 1997, with both of us divorced, it all came together and in 2000, we married. How can I let go of him when I had only seven years? That's 8 1/3% of my life. Not enough.
That seven years opened my eyes to what a marriage should be. I suppose that's something I should have known much sooner, but I've always been a late bloomer.
Seven years.
How can that be enough?
It isnt enough, but it has to be.
ReplyDeleteAt the very least he showed you what a marriage should be like.
(((big hugs)))
Well, what's the point of knowing that, when it's gone? there sure as hell won't be another. Such a thing could never happen again, and I won't settle. Hell, it took 15 years from meeting to marriage for this one! I don't have time to go through that again, even if there was another I could love.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you hun..(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteEric's dad just passed his anniversary on sunday,and he was so sad, it would have been 51 years.
As you know she made it to their 50th before passing from pancreatic cancer.
8 years or fifty,when it's right and you lose that person,it was never enough time.life just isn't fair.
And sometimes it just really sucks.
I'm so sorry for what your going through.
And what a lovely photo,thank you for sharing it.
You do too have time. You arent even 60 yet.
ReplyDeleteHell, I am turning 40 this year and just found out what I wanted in a husband if I am to have one again. No WAY will I settle. But I am no longer under the impression that there is only one out there.
C'mon now, look at you! You are beautiful. Inside AND out. I bet there is plenty of men that are good men that are worthy of you.
BTW - That comment may need some time to sink in because you dont want it yet again, because you are missing Jim.
ReplyDeleteBut keep it in the back of your mind ok?
I think I shall always be missing Jim. I can't imagine ever getting past that.
ReplyDeleteI really don't know what to say on this one, Ronni.
ReplyDeleteI've never known that kind of love. Jim chose you to share that love with and I don't think he was in any frame of mind to think how much this would devastate you.
I'm sure he is watching over you and still loving you.
Ronni said...
ReplyDeleteI think I shall always be missing Jim. I can't imagine ever getting past that.
8 minutes, 8 years, 80 years... no, never enough. And.... well....
damn. =hugs=
We will all miss him forever, too.
[What great hair you had! What a picture!]
Dear Ronni,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to let you know that I selected your blog for a "fellow bloggers" award called the Arte y Pico award. (Details are on my page.) Your blog is absolutely wonderful.
I'm sorry that you are hurting today. I don't think 100 years would be enough, and so far I don't think we ever do get past the missing them. I hope the memories of the wonderful 8+ years you shared bring you comfort.
Love,
Stella
ronni, unfortunately I was very ill during the time of Jim's passing and also my computer took a nosedive. I've spent ages catching up and I just want to say that sudden death of a husband with no warning whatsoever is a devasting blow. I know about this first hand - and he was only 58 with three grandbabies that we moved 5 months prior to be closer to. I know these sentences may seem disjointed but that is the way my mind has been running lately. The meaning within the sentences is sincere, I assure you. I wish I could have spoken to you when I found out about this tragedy but couldn't at the time. All I can say is that time doesn't heal all wounds such as these it just dulls the pain and allows you to tuck it away in a secret and private place. It's been 14 years for me and I have finally learned to do this. I'm thinking of you and I love you dear. Grandmaboo
ReplyDeleteGrandmaboo, I am so happy to hear from you! I am sorry to hear you've been having troubles too, but glad you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel so empty, and, at others, the emotion just pours out, wherever I am.
I know he's hanging around in spirit, but that's just not enough.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for your insight. You are a wise woman, and I have known that since 2004, when we started to communicate.
Bless you...