I Don't Know How To Love Him

Terri mentioned that, after reading my sad post from Wednesday night, that the song "I Don't Know How To Love Him," from "Superstar" was running through her head.

That's odd, because I was watching very intently on Tuesday as Mary Ellen talked Sarah through the song, phrase by phrase, for dramatic effect.

I was awe-stricken, as I internalized the words, relating them to my love for Jim.


I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

To some, I suppose it's sacrilegious to compare my love for Jim to Mary's for Jesus, but it all comes down to a simple woman's love for a very complex man.