An Attack of Sadness

I was already sad when I got to the theater. On the way, I was listening to "A Prairie Home Companion," and someone on there sang a song that has the chorus,

"When I dream, I dream of you;
And hope someday, it will come true."

That is a song that used to make me sad before Jim and I started to date. I used to dream of a life with Jim, and never expected it to come true.

And then it did.

And look how that worked out. Yes, I was sad.

But, it's a show, and the show must go on. I kept it together until after I was done, and just waiting to make my bow during curtain call. I got into a conversation with Renée about something unrelated to Jim, and I started to cry. Curtain call was a bit moist, as a lot of friends were there, including a woman who was in the last show Jim ever did. And several others who are old and dear friends.

So, when I got home, I figured that I was sad anyway, so I might as well take care of a chore I had been putting off for a while.

I brought in the gun. It had been in the trunk of my car for quite a while, as I was physically unable to lift it out. When it was first handed to me, I almost dropped it. I would as soon pick up a scorpion.

I brought it in, and took it out of its paper bag, and its zipper bag, and held it and looked at it, thinking the whole time that this was the last thing Jim ever touched. I am so glad Kyle cleaned it for me. It was bad enough...I almost got sick to my stomach. I would have, if it had been in the condition it was in when I had last seen it.

But, that's done now. I've brought it in and looked at it.

I feel really bad.

I'm going to sell it.