The girls were eight and four when their father and I separated. I expected all sorts of negative stuff from them about it, but it never came. Vanessa was much distracted by her new life, and Chandra appreciated the peace.
A couple of years later, they no longer wanted to visit with their dad, and it became a struggle to get them to go. At one point, I told them they did not have to. After that, they were fine. I guess they just needed to know that they had some control over the situation.
The girls are now grown women, and their relationship with their dad is their business. I would not presume to tell them how they should feel about him. Chandra sees him once in a while, but Vanessa avoids him at all cost. In all honesty, I think she may one day regret that, but, at 26, she is well able to make such decisions for herself.
We are, after all, talking about her father, who didn't come to her high school graduation, because he thought he would "feel uncomfortable." I was a bit surprised by that. The day was, after all, not about him, but about his daughter and her strength and accomplishment.
No wonder she regards him with a jaded eye.
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