Sandwich Etiquette

I work at a sandwich shop. We sell sub sandwiches, salads, soup, drinks, and a few desserts. We are a very popular sandwich shop, and, from about 11:45 until 1:30 on some days, we have a line out the door. I have a few bits of advice for sandwich shoppers.

If you have two or three pre-schoolers, come after 1:30. We understand that we are a good place to take kids to introduce them to the art of fine lunching in a public place (without a playground), but the rest of our customers appreciate it if you time your visit to miss the rush.

If you're a really picky person who wants to inspect each and every item before it is put on your sandwich, we recommend that you, also, come in at non-peak hours.

Don't try to tell us everything you want on your sandwich in one breath. Tell us the size, type of bread, and kind of sandwich, and then let us ask you questions. If you're busy telling me you want mustard, when I need to know if you want tomatoes, time's a-wasting. We build sandwiches with the ingredients in a specific order. We don't expect you to know that, but the best way to get a sandwich you like, is to answer our questions in the order they are asked. We have this down to a routine.

Tell the person on the other end of your phone that you will call back in 5 minutes. Along with this suggestion, it is considered impolite to tell the Sandwich Artist, "I'M ON THE PHONE!" when he or she is asking you what you want on your sandwich. We can see that you're on the phone. We are wondering if you can see that there are people 5 deep behind you who are not on the phone, and who also want a sandwich.

If it takes more that 7 seconds to decide if you want white bread or wheat, you have serious issues.

We don't appreciate suggestions that we allow you to lick the mayonnaise off our lips, or any other portion of our anatomy.

Know that, if you order the Dreaded White Sandwich, we laugh at you behind your back. What, you may ask, is the Dreaded White Sandwich? Turkey and provolone on French bread, with mayo only.

No, we don't serve fries.